Swami Uptown Archive: December 2004

Thought for Today
December 30, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

I just about went through the roof when I heard them bragging about $35 million--we spend $35 million before breakfast in Iraq.
--Senator Patrick J. Leahy, (Vermont, Democrat), a persistent critic of the American rebuilding operation in Iraq

Why George Bush Can't Catch This Wave
December 30, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

Loose Canon, channeling the Washington Times as usual, kicks a hapless Norwegian around, because he-- correctly, as it turned out--dared to mention that rich Western countries give humanitarian aid well below their capabilities. Just a few weeks ago, when you and I were riled up about unarmored Humvees in Iraq, LC followed Rev. Moon's paper's lead and kicked a reporter because he allegedly helped a soldier ask Rummy a real question. It's nice to know, in a soul-searching moment of global proportion, that someone can still focus on fractional issues--like how big a drag it is that the United Nations is at the center of the relief effort.

LC will, no doubt, continue to wave the flag for the least generous administration since Louis XVI. If she would supplement her beloved hometown rag for a Manhattan paper--and it's not local arrogance which makes me suggest that the New York Times, for all its jaw-dropping flaws, is still America's "paper of record"--she might have to adjust her views. From today's Times editorial:

$35 million remains a miserly drop in the bucket, and is in keeping with the pitiful amount of the United States budget that we allocate for nonmilitary foreign aid. According to a poll, most Americans believe the United States spends 24 percent of its budget on aid to poor countries; it actually spends well under a quarter of 1 percent.

Bush administration officials help create that perception gap. Fuming at the charge of stinginess, Mr. Powell pointed to disaster relief and said the United States "has given more aid in the last four years than any other nation or combination of nations in the world." But for development aid, America gave $16.2 billion in 2003; the European Union gave $37.1 billion. In 2002, those numbers were $13.2 billion for America, and $29.9 billion for Europe.

Making things worse, we often pledge more money than we actually deliver. Victims of the earthquake in Bam, Iran, a year ago are still living in tents because aid, including ours, has not materialized in the amounts pledged. And back in 2002, Mr. Bush announced his Millennium Challenge account to give African countries development assistance of up to $5 billion a year, but the account has yet to disperse a single dollar.

As I write, 71,000 people have donated $4,260,000 to the Red Cross via Amazon.com. A reader comments on that outpouring:

I'm consistently amazed at how generous people (and I assume that the Amazon donors are primarily American) can be as individuals yet our government obscures these individual efforts. How is it that in a matter of a few days private citizens can donate 10% of the total the U.S. Government has pledged so far? The stunning disconnect between our own indvidual actions and the decisions made by the people we choose to represent us continues to grow. But hasn't this been the strategy in this country all along: "privatize" relief efforts by encouraging charities, faith-based and otherwise, to do the hard work of raising money and helping the needy? In many ways, our being hard-wired to help takes our own government off the hook.

My thoughts?

Dear Reader: These are pitiless men who, long ago, lost the roadmap to love and connection. While I'm the first to say that you don't know anything about relationships unless you're in the room, I would venture to say that their marriages are bound by "loyalty" and "habit" and by that lowest of reasons, "shared values"--not passion and joy and, yes, a hearty lust. Their children are accessories. Their friendships are photo ops.

You would hope that these men--Christians, all, as far as I can tell--would be mortally afraid of the judgment of their Christian god. Why aren't they? Because since they've been "saved," they don't believe their sins will matter. What's the difference between authorizing $10 million--or $100 million?

Some--Cheney, Rumsfeld and the like--just wrap themselves in faith because they know it's the smart thing to do. Their real god is the corporation, the teat that, for the annointed, never stops giving. For these guys, a giant flood is something for Human Resources to deal with.

James Wolcott noted as much in his comment on the President's remarks yesterday:

I was pleased to see the President of the United States put down the frigging rake long enough to put on his best Sunday-go-to-meetin' suit and issue a public statement regarding the catastrophic tsunami. "Earlier yesterday," reported The Washington Post, "White House spokesman Trent Duffy said the president was confident he could monitor events effectively without returning to Washington or making public statements in Crawford, where he spent part of the day clearing brush and bicycling. Explaining the about-face, a White House official said: 'The president wanted to be fully briefed on our efforts. He didn't want to make a symbolic statement about "We feel your pain."'" Clearing brush? What is he, Luke on The Real McCoys, Eb on Green Acres, or the cardboard cut-out figurehead leader of the free world?

Given the sedated performance he put on today, which resembled a clinical demonstration of "lack of affect" for beginning interns, Bush needn't worry that anyone will confuse him with Huggy-Bear Bill or accuse him of overdoing the empathy.

Exhibit A: The final question of yesterday's press conference:

Q New Year's resolutions?

THE PRESIDENT: I'll let you know. Already gave you a hint on one, which is my waistline. I'm trying to set an example.

My reaction. I'm with The Rude Pundit:

A compassionate man at that point might have said something about resolving to help the countries through this crisis. A wise man may have said he was going to reach out more to others who are across the political aisle. There's a million things he could have said. Instead, he decided to take a giant sh-- on the statement of sympathy he had just given...

Confession: I was one of those people who thought the President took too much vacation time. That he was checked out--especially on Auigust 6, 2001, when he was warned about a terror attack and went back to clearing brush. But if you think about it, isn't it better when The Leader of the Free World is away from Washington? When he's not flapping his gums and and failing what The Washington Times likes to dismiss as a "global test"?

Final thoughts:

Most disgusting reponse so far? Saudi Arabia. Yes, that oil-rich country has pledged just $7 million. But many of the afflicted are Muslim? Yes, but not the right kind of Muslims. And then here are the Hindus. So much for Arab generosity--the French pledged more. The French!

Most important fact to keep in mind: Halliburton overcharged American taxpayers 61 million dollars for gasoline in Iraq. This was followed with overcharging for meals by 67 million dollars. And let's not forget Halliburton's total score in Iraq: contracts worth EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS.

Now THAT is money.

Abe Lincoln and George Bush: Inaugural Style
December 30, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

Several of you have written to suggest that the $40 million--much of it raised from "the private sector"--for Bush's Inaugural might be better spent.

One letter will stand for many:

Don't spend the money on the Pomp & Circumstance on January 20. He's not a King. It's always been ridiculous - but especially seem so now. How many people could the cost of one plate of hors d'oeuvres feed? Or the light bill for that night at the White House? It's obscene to spend the money. Have the Chief Justice make W put his hand on the Bible in public if we must--we did it 4 years ago, not sure why we have to do it again for an incumbent--and go on with business. If they don't want to share with "those people," perhaps they could send armor to Iraq (don't let me see Rumsfeld in a Tux with that Grin while troops are dying).

This put me in mind of another second-term inauguration. Also a war President. Here is Walt Whitman's account of the second swearing-in of Abraham Lincoln, on March 4, 1864:

The President very quietly rode down to the Capitol in his own carriage, by himself, on a sharp trot, about noon, either because he wished to be on hand to sign bills, or to get rid of marching in line with the absurd procession--the muslin temple of liberty and pasteboard monitor.

I saw him on his return, at three o'clock, after the performance was over. He was in his plain two-horse barouche, and looked very much worn and tired; the lines, indeed, of vast responsibilities, intricate questions, and demands of life and death cut deeper than ever upon his dark brown face; yet all the old goodness, tenderness, sadness, and canny shrewdness underneath the furrows. (I never see that man without feeling that he is one to become personally attached to for his combination of purest, heartiest tenderness, and native Western form of manliness.)

By his side sat his little boy of ten years. There were no soldiers, only a lot of civilians on horseback, with huge yellow scarves over their shoulders, riding around the carriage. (At the inauguration four years ago he rode down and back again surrounded by a dense mass of armed cavalrymen eight deep, with drawn sabres; and there were sharpshooters stationed at every corner on the route.)

I ought to make mention of the closing levee of Saturday night last. Never before was a such a compact jam in front of the White House--all the grounds filled, and away out to the spacious sidewalks. I was there, as I took in a notion to go; was in the rush inside with the crowd; surged along the passageways, the blue and other rooms, and through the great east room. Crowds of country people, some very funny. Fine music from the Marine Band, off in a side place.

I saw Mr. Lincoln, dressed all in black, with white kid gloves and a clawhammer coat, receiving, as in duty bound, shaking hands, looking very disconsolate and as if he would give anything to be somewhere else.

And Lincoln was a Republican, wasn't he?

Reasons to be Cheerful: Two Stories
December 30, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

Their sons and daughters died in Iraq. But that didn't stop a group of Americans from wanting to help the Iraqi people:

Families of US troops killed in the offensive on the Iraqi city of Fallujah are to travel to Jordan with $600,000 worth of humanitarian aid for refugees of the attack.

The November assault on Fallujah left 71 US military dead, according to the families, and the Iraqi government said more than 2,000 Iraqis were killed.

"This delegation is a way for me to express my sympathy and support for the Iraqi people," said Rosa Suarez of Escondido in California. "The Iraq war took away my son's life, and it has taken away the lives of so many innocent Iraqis. It is time to stop the killing and to help the children of Iraq."

Randy Johnson, the fearsome left-handed pitcher, is about to become a Yankee. Like most stars, he has a charity--in his case, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Unlike many stars, he's active in it. Fact to note: none of his kids have this disease. From The New York Times:

"At first, I was terrified of him," said Jan Lee Sproat, executive director of the Arizona chapter of the foundation. "But he is such a delight and the children just love him. He sits down and talks to them. If we're doing an event, I say, 'Let's get 130 balls and you can sign them so people won't come up to you the whole time.' He says, 'No, that's what they expect, for me to sign balls and take pictures, and that's O.K.' "

Sproat remembers how Lauren Creswell, a girl who has cystic fibrosis and has rooted for Johnson most of her life, was at home last Christmas in Tucson. As she opened her presents, the phone rang. Johnson was on the other line, calling to wish her a happy holiday.

As this week's events have proved, there are a lot of people out there who know what's right and get it done. Thank you for being part of that crew--it makes a very big difference to the mood of this blogger. And a safe, healthy New Year to all.

Thought for Today
December 29, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

This is the joy that I have, the world didn't give it to me.
--Mavis Staples, liner notes for Have a Little Faith

George Bush and the Wave
December 29, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

You may not believe this, but I'd really hoped to write something positive about the President's response to the tsunami. But you know how it is, girls--once a guy sets out to disappoint you, he rarely fails to succeed.

Of course the President spent Tuesday--the first global day of mourning--clearing brush in Crawford, Texas. Yes, he watched some news: Fox, I guess. But he kept silent, we're told, less he sound too much like Bill Clinton.

So we had to wait today for the announcement that a) the US will pony up more than the previously announced $40 million, though how much more no one is saying and 2) we're part of a four-nation team--whatever you do, don't call it a "coalition"--to help.

You know, the proper response to an event like this should not be hard for the world's only superpower to figure out--especially when that superpower is sitting in the global Dunce Chair. We're killing brown people in Iraq? Let's save brown people in Asia. That's right: let's put as much energy in helping the innocent as we do in hunting the "insurgents."

Alas, there are two flaws in this simple equation.

One is that it seems the only time our "Christian" leaders grasp that we are connected to the rest of the planet is when someone pisses us off--though the fabled "American people" are hard-wired to help, this particular set of white male leaders believes that relief work is not its job. Well, at least they're consistent; they're not rushing to help the poor and troubled at home either. And then there's the question of Getting The Work Done. One reason Bush had to spend a day playing Range Rider is that Halliburton was trying to figure out how to make a dime off the earthquake--and came up empty.

The other problem is that we can't really afford to step out front and do the right thing in Asia. Our larder is bare. The war, the tax cuts, the battered dollar --- every reduction in our ability to be a good planetary citizen turns us more and more inward. Anyway, it's cold. And the football playoffs are around the corner. And did you get a new video game for Christmas? Right: there goes the adult male population.

The genuine surprise of the earthquake is not that it happened, but that it might not go away. It's not just a disaster, it's a mega-disaster. Not just the usual two-or-three-day story, but a kind of global Laci Peterson case--the rest of the world may be involved in this event and its aftermath for some time. Too bad we don't have the attention span for it--or a President who understands that the first definition of compassion is how you feel about people with whom you have nothing in common.

Getting It Right: Volunteer America Day
December 29, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

Beliefnet readers are, by now, not waiting for Our Spiritual Father--that's George W. Bush, for those who have slept through the first term--to act. They come up with plans that we can execute all on our own. Here's one that arrived via email:

In the spirit of volunteerism that this catastrophe has ignited, I would like to suggest a "Volunteer America Day"--to coincide with the inauguration of this president who would not hesitate to cut the grants and federal funding of many of the very same organizations that are hurrying to southeast Asia to help. Why don't the 56 million of us who didn't vote for him get together and clean a park, or volunteer our time to help the elderly or the infirm - or work at the local VA to tend to the soldiers he keeps sending to the Middle East as so much cannon foder! Or just to irritate Dubya, why don't all 56 million of us donate one dollar each to Planned Parenthood or the World Health Organization or any of the myriad charities that the pious White House finds cringe-worthy?

Not One Damn Dime Day
December 29, 2004 | 3:00 p.m.

This has been making the email rounds. I was saving it for later, but later seems to have come early.

Don't spend a dime on January 20, 2005.

It doesn't really matter that everyone will be out spending what they didn't the next day--a point or two will have been made: Since our religious leaders will not speak out against the war in Iraq, since our political leaders don't have the moral courage to oppose it, Inauguration Day, Thursday, January 20th, 2005 is "Not One Damn Dime Day" in America.

On "Not One Damn Dime Day" those who oppose what is happening in our name in Iraq can speak up with a 24-hour national boycott of all forms of consumer spending.

During "Not One Damn Dime Day," please don't spend money. Not one damn dime for gasoline. Not one damn dime for necessities or for impulse purchases. Not one damn dime for anything for 24 hours.

On "Not One Damn Dime Day," please boycott Walmart, KMart and Target. Please don't go to the mall or the local convenience store. Please don't buy any fast food (or any groceries at all for that matter). For 24 hours, please do what you can to shut the retail economy down.

The object is simple. Remind the people in power that the war in Iraq is immoral and illegal; that they are responsible for starting it and that it is their responsibility to stop it. "Not One Damn Dime Day" is to remind them, too, that they work for the people of the United States of America, not for the international corporations and K Street lobbyists who represent the corporations and funnel cash into American politics.

Not One Damn Dime Day" is about supporting the troops. The politicians put the troops in harm's way. Now 1,200 brave young Americans and (some estimate) 100,000 Iraqis have died. The politicians owe our troops a plan -- a way to come home.

There's no rally to attend. No marching to do. No left or right wing agenda to rant about. On "Not One Damn Dime Day" you take action by doing nothing. You open your mouth by keeping your wallet closed. For 24 hours, nothing gets spent, not one damn dime, to remind our religious leaders and our politicians of their moral responsibility to end the war in Iraq and give America back to the people.

Thought for Today
December 28, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

Even one child I could not save.
-- Mani Natrajan, father of three, in Cuddalore, India

Mass Grief
December 28, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

My stepdaughter is safe. Airlifted from Phuket, Thailand on an Army transport, and now, I think, heading home. (Thank you to all who sent wishes and prayers in her direction.)

I write occasionally about Mrs. Uptown and Little Uptown, but almost never about the two kids I lived with for a dozen years when I was married to their mother--my insanely wonderful stepchildren are very smart New Yorkers who have spent their young lives around media, and they understand better than most that the only time you want press is when you have something to sell. So I mentioned my stepdaughter yesterday simply as a way to get a handle on this disaster. If it has a face and a name, I think, maybe I can grasp it.

But I can't. I close my eyes and watch the movie inside. Then I slow it down and watch the photo gallery--the bodies in trees, the rows of corpses, the mass graves. And I am defeated, both by the numbers of the dead and the rapidity of their dying.

As someone struggling with the most basic concepts of Buddhism, I never really get past the first fact of life: The ground is not solid. Things change. Without any apparent reason.

[This is one of the reasons I so loathe George W. Bush and his inner circle-- their absolute certainty. And then they cover their smug sense of rightness with religion, which only makes them more ridiculous. Where in the New Testament is it written that Christ confers unerring confidence to those who believe?]

This morning, just to get myself out of the house, I took Little Uptown to the Metropolitan Museum. I showed her how to throw paint like Jackson Pollock and draw loops like Cy Twomley. We looked at the two little girls in Renoir's famous portrait. We tried to move a Calder mobile with our breath. She loved it all--and the people around us loved that this not-yet-three-year-old-kid so obviously was adoring the museum.

And what I thought--about every other second--was: Roaring waters could knock these walls down like toy blocks. Forget about me. I could lose her--like that.

Obviously, you cannot have a life if you are in such a constant state of astonishment and agitation that you can't put one foot in front of the other. We have to believe that the world works: computers hum, cars run, planes don't crash. But then you imagine, say, Yankee Stadium filled with children--and, in a flash, disappear it.

What's up with that? Where do you begin to understand it?

In the absence of understanding, there is still the opportunity to act. Here are ways you can help.

Where Does the Flood Rank on the Rapture Index?
December 28, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

They call it "the speedometer of end-time activity." Today it's up 2, to 155. And, yeah, it's no joke--it's The Rapture Index.

And Then There's Good News
December 28, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

Thanks to Military.com --and a sharp-eyed Beliefnet reader--for this lovely story:

14-year-old Brittany Bergquist is surprised that the U.S. military doesn't do what she and her little brother are doing: helping soldiers phone home free.

"I'm kind of happy that they didn't supply them," she said, "because we've always wanted to do something for the soldiers."

With $14 from their piggy banks, she and 12-year-old brother Robbie started Cell Phones for Soldiers. In less than nine months, the organization has provided $250,000 worth of prepaid calling cards to American soldiers in Iraq, Afghanistan and Kuwait.

They raise money by collecting old cellular phones and selling them to companies that refurbish them for resale.

It all started in April, when the family heard about a Massachusetts soldier who ran up $7,600 in cell phone charges calling home from Iraq. T-Mobile forgave much of the bill. But Brittany and Robbie figured there must be other soldiers - including a cousin of theirs - who are stationed in Iraq and want to call home more often but cannot afford it.

You'll want to click and see what happened next.

Thought for Today
December 27, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

I had total tunnel vision. I kept seeing my wife and my baby's face in front of my eyes. That's what drove me.
--Sgt. Michael S. Posner, 34, Farmingville, N.Y., explaining how he got out of the mess hall after the attack at the U.S. army base in Mosul, Iraq

Oh, The Flood Is Threatening My Very Life Today
December 27, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

When I read the quote (above) from the soldier in Mosul, I thought immediately of a fireman Jimmy Breslin met at the World Trade Center, shortly after the towers fell. Breslin writes:

He lost several of his people and was left against a shaky wall, dazed at being alive. A thick coating of dust make him a gray mummy. He did not say hello or recognize me with any motion. He just said:

"I have a daughter in college in Baltimore. And I love her."

He said this with tears.

I thought of that equation--your family is your world--again this week, when I learned that my 24-year-old stepdaughter, who has been working in a Vietnmese orphanage for the last few months, was not, as I thought, safely on her way home. In fact, she was on a beach in Thailand when the water began rising. I'm told that she and her boyfriend outran the water; the last I heard, her sole possession was the bikini she was wearing. I haven't talked to her, but I won't be surprised if she tells me the images that passed through her mind as she ran were of her mother and father and brother.

It is the operating thesis of this blog and all religions with a claim to respectability that we are brothers and sisters here. If you feel that way--if the soldier clawing through the dust in Mosul and the firefighter at the World Trade Center and the young woman in the bikini and the wretched parent mourning a child in Sumatra are people you recognize as your own--you may want to help. Here are some reputable agencies.

What Was Donald Rumsfeld Saying?
December 27, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

Ok, he was in Iraq. He was tired. But what did what Rummy mean by this reference to Flight 93?

I think all of us have a sense if we imagine the kind of world we would face if the people who bombed the mess hall in Mosul, or the people who did the bombing in Spain, or the people who attacked the United States in New York, shot down the plane over Pennsylvania and attacked the Pentagon, the people who cut off peoples' heads on television to intimidate, to frighten --- indeed the word 'terrorized' is just that. Its purpose is to terrorize, to alter behavior, to make people be something other than that which they want to be.

Now he cannot be saying that some Muslim shot down Flight 93 on 9/11. But is he accidentally admitting what some people say they saw and many believe--that a US military plane shot Flight 93 out of the sky that morning in Pennsylvania? If you can figure it out, please share.

Andrew Greeley Also Thinks The War Is "Our" Fault
December 27, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

Father Greeley on our collective guilt:

Each extra day of the war makes it more unjust, more criminal. The guilty people are not only the Vulcans but those Americans who in the November election endorsed the war.

They are also responsible for the Iraqi deaths, especially the men who join the police or the army because they need the money to support their families--their jobs eaten up in the maw of the American "liberation." Iraqi deaths don't trouble many Americans. Their attitude is not unlike the email writer who said he rejoices every time a Muslim kills another Muslim. "Let Allah sort them out."

This time of the year we celebrate "peace on Earth to men of good will." Americans must face the fact that they can no longer claim to be men and women of good will, not as long as they support an unnecessary, foolish, ill-conceived, badly executed and, finally, unwinnable war.

One Happy Story for the Season
December 27, 2004 | 4:00 p.m.

E-mail from a valued reader:

For the last few years a fella in Egypt and I have been corresponding. Our correspondence began by accident. There isn't much to it. Just a note and a joke now and again.

It was very difficult at first. He harbored a great hatred for Jews and westerners in general. I kept trying to take a high road; writing about spirituality and caring for all people, questioning why he would despise later generations for the perceived ugly deeds of the forefathers.

We laid bare our souls about the King David Hotel (he lost a relative in the bombing in 1939). I researched and we discussed the history and circumstance surrounding the event. We discussed the British for several letters.

Israel was next. There was no way I would or could defend Sharon but I sent him tales of individuals bridging the political gaps between them. I begged him not to send me photos of mutilated children.

We commiserated over the horrible falling American bombs in Iraq. We took opposite views on Afghanistan. We wrote honestly. Often I wondered why and how I would continue to explain that all people are related and, underneath it all, brothers; that the deeds of government and pulpit do not necessarily represent the wishes, desires, and hopes of the populace. I wrote that he and I were not so different in spite of our differences.

He sent me a Christmas card this year. I thanked him for thinking of me, wished him happy holidays and reminded him that I am not a Christian. His reply is worth everything. I quote it below.

"got u. i send xmas greetings to all my friends around the globe and i dont care if they are Christians or non Christians; it's you who taught me so! xmas is the most Celebrated thing in the world! Tough luck for non like you and I; I still love it. Have funnnn>>"

The world is, it seems, enlightened one soul at a time. I feel more gratified and pleased than I have in, at least, a long time. I feel very humble but very proud.

Thought for Today
December 23, 2004 | 12:00 p.m.

I had a health issue a few years back, and it really made my faith real," he said, referring to a bout with cancer. "It made me think, the things that the Lord would want done, let's do. His heart is with the downtrodden, so let's help them."
--Sam Brownback, the very conservative senator from Kansas who is actively involved in humanitarian causes abroad, cited in a very positive piece by Nicholas Kristof, liberal op-ed columnist for The New York Times.

Jesse the Jew
December 23, 2004 | 12:00 p.m.

I have a legal problem, so I hired a litigator. Ours was a phone/fax/e-mail relationship, so it wasn't until our first court date that I learned he wears a yarmulke and is Orthodox.

He is also a Republican. (You can guess why: Bush writes Israel a blank check.) Stupidly, I made a bet on the election. And lost. And forgot all about it.

Last week, I had to go to his office. And he reminded me. What could I say? I put on the yarmulke and the tallis and tefilin and repeated the prayers--I was, for a few minutes, the Jew that my lawyer wanted me to be.

Once upon a time, I went to see--and be seen by--Rebbe Schneerson. Nothing happened. But this simple act--the putting-on of the apparatus of prayer--had a power I couldn't quite parse. "Interesting, but I'm still really a Buddhist," I told my lawyer.

"That just makes you a better Jew," he said.

A reasonable place for me to be in this season. And a realistic place from which to wish all of you "the holy or the broken Hallelujah."

Snowbound
December 23, 2004 | 12:00 p.m.

The Uptowns are snowbound in an exurb of Cincinnati. Happily, I adore Mrs. Uptown's sister and husband and their kids. And I was thrilled to spend the pre-snow day in the rented Ford Taurus, driving from Starbucks to Blockbuster, listening to local FM radio.

My habit in Strange Cities is to listen with one finger on the SCAN button. That is, I hear one complete sentence, hit SCAN, see what they're saying on the next station. It's a way of co-creating the programming. And it often produces a giggle.

Not here, kids. Is it just Ohio, or has America been captured--even on FM--- by Christian radio? It's not just the sermons on every other channel ("Everyone hates sin, except when they're sinning"). It's the music. My favorites: the one about the mother of Christ ("Oh, Mary, did you know your son would walk on water?") and the woman who has "a sticker for the U.S. Marines on the bumper of my SUV."

Hope the snow clears soon. I'm ready for more stuff that's too good for us in the Blue States.

A Liberal Guide for Surviving Christmas When Your Folks Are Not
December 23, 2004 | 12:00 p.m.

Some of Kerry Madden's suggestions:

When your mother tells you the thing she really admires and finds so clever about Bill O'Reilly is that you can't tell what he is--a Democrat, a Republican, a Liberal--keep the chopping knife steady, focus on the onions and garlic or the gentle rolling of pie dough. Do not make eye contact.

When buzzwords like "vouchers," "accountability" and "all that wasted, dead talent from aborted babies" zing through the air, go check your e-mail. Or fantasize about Benicio Del Toro and wonder what he is doing for the holidays.

When the talk turns to politics during dinner, say, "How about that Boston Babe Ruth curse lifting?" or "Anyone see Ray yet?" If that fails, turn up Frank Sinatra CD. Loud.

When the talk turns to politics over dessert, do not threaten to leave early if it doesn't stop. Don't have a breakdown and scream, "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!!" Just don't. After all, it's the holidays.

Fine, Mr. Giuliani, Now Tell Us How You Define 'Bravery'
December 23, 2004 | 12:00 p.m.

Bernard Kerik resigned yesterday from his mentor's firm so his problems don't further damage Rudy Giuliani's reputation. The comment from America's Mayor:

I think he made the right decision for himself and his family. No one or anyone can take away from him the incredible bravery.

No. Consider Joseph Darby, the Abu Ghraib whistleblower who (say I) should have been Beliefnet's Most Inspiring Person of the Year--now that's bravery. [Pat Tillman? Sorry. Tillman was a peculiarly American hero--unlike all the other soldiers in our volunteer army, he alone gave up money--who had the bad luck in the final seconds of his life to discover how chaotic war can be. Before you get all bothered, please remember: I'm the guy who mourned the life of every soldier a long, long time before Donald Rumsfeld and George Bush got around to feeling bad for the grunts.] But don't worry, Beliefnet readers, you voted with the great majority--in the AOL poll featuring Beliefnet's Most Inspiring candidates, only 2% voted for Darby.

"Kerik" and "bravery" in the same sentence? Let's Google the guy and see what comes up.

Here's Les Payne, in Newsday:

It was the then Lord Mayor in 1993 who first took Kerik on as bodyguard and chauffeur. The undercover detective had an uncanny nose for whose head to knock and whose rear to kiss. The troubled, high-school drop-out and martial arts expert attached himself to the law-and-order mayor as only a chauffeur could.

But then, when you look into America's Mayor, you see that "Giuliani" and "bravery" also don't belong in the same sentence. Here's Jimmy Breslin:

As the mayor, he had a detective driving one of his girl friends out of the Gracie Mansion driveway while another detective was arriving with another girl friend and was waved off to prevent a domestic riot.

All the while upstairs there were his wife and children.

Giuliani then showed appropriate behavior by walking in a parade on Fifth Avenue with his girl friend and all the while his children could sit and watch him on television.

Sorry, fans of 9/11 myth, but our worst tragedy was the best thing ever to happen to three people: Bush, Giuliani, and Kerik. Suddenly you didn't have to be tough--you just needed a big mouth.

One thing we know about heroes: they are the last to tell you about it. Not to sound like an O'Henry Christmas story, but "bravery" is the guy who used to work one job and now works three--and sticks it out because he loves his wife and kids. It's the woman who leaves her abusive husband, the drunk determined to get sober, the gay kid who feels good about him/herself. It's the believer who ignores dogma and has a personal relationship with his/her God. And it's the seeker who doesn't know but presses on. And, most probably, in a way only you know, you.

But not Kerik. As far as I can tell, he did one brave thing--he resigned from Giuliani's firm without telling the boss, "Hey, Rudy, I know the worst about you--I could bury you with the stories. You really want to keep me on the payroll." Or maybe he did say that, and he's being paid off. But in the spirit of the season, let's forgive this frail bully. And, then, because we're human, hope he unloads on Rudy.

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