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BY: John D. Spalding
Jesus strides into the temple in slow motion, bathed in a white light and flanked by his 12 disciples, six on each side. He stops before a row of merchants selling pigeons. The crowd goes silent.
Another Jew jumps up on the tables and runs toward Jesus from behind. He dives at the Christ, who ducks just in time. The Jew sails headfirst into a stone pillar, cracking open his skull and splattering blood and bone fragments everywhere.
Jesus flays every merchant in reach, lacerating faces and exposed arms. The disciples kick ass: John smashes a jug of olives over a temple scribe's head; Philip holds a sheep salesman's arms from behind while Bartholomew pummels him in the stomach; Peter chases an ox trader around one of the beasts of the field, circling the ox one way, then the other. Finally, Peter leaps over the animal, tackling the man to the ground.
Jesus clutches a long curtain and climbs up the side of the temple. He leaps, swinging across the courtyard like Tarzan and striking a moneychanger sandal-first in the cheek. The moneychangers's head snaps back in slow motion, blood flying from the side of his mouth.
Matthew gets one of the Jews in a headlock.
Matthew
No? I used to be a tax collector. Now repent!
The Jew
Never!
Matthew snaps the man's neck like a communion wafer.
One by one, Jesus kicks over the moneychangers' tables. Buckets of coins explode in the air and shower, slow motion, to earth. Some moneychangers run for their lives, while others dive to scavenge for change. Judas Iscariot, making sure Jesus and the disciples aren't watching, joins his real brethren on the ground in the grab for silver.
A temple priest swings at Jesus with a sacrificial knife. Jesus catches the priest's wrist, and knocks the knife away. Then Jesus leaps in the air, spins 360 degrees and delivers a devastating round house kick to the priest's head. The priest falls onto his upturned knife. At least a quart of blood pools on the floor.
As most of the remaining uninjured Jews flee the temple, Jesus raises his arms triumphantly and scans the temple courtyard.
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