Chronically Shy and Jealous
How can a wife overcome feeling simultaneously shy around friends and jealous of her husband's socializing?
Q. I have been married for a wonderful nine months to the man that I truly want to spend the rest of my life with, but I have two pressing concerns that I think might be related.
The first is that I am chronically shy and have no idea how to overcome this problem. When my husband and I go to functions, I find it extremely difficult to approach people. I prefer lurking in the corner and leaving ASAP. My husband is far more socially adept than I, and I long to enjoy the functions that we go to without becoming this person who cannot seem to move, talk, or speak.
The second problem is that I am extremely jealous about my husband--not in the sense that I think he would do anything, but jealous about how he cares for his staff at work. He's a manager and he spends time with them--looking after them and socializing with them. I want to be number one in his life, and even though I know that I am, I need him to constantly show me that.
I love my husband more than anything, and we have an excellent relationship when it's just the two of us or with a couple of really close friends. But how can I overcome this shyness and jealousy?
--Michelle
It's obvious, Michelle, that you have a lot of insight into your difficulties, and it's truly helpful that you want to change. However, as you have already seen, overcoming jealousy is very difficult and changing your personality from shy to outgoing is almost impossible.
Most people who are shy were born that way, and it's unrealistic to believe that you can become outgoing when that is not your basic nature. Your goal is not so much to move, talk, and speak differently as it is to bring enjoyment and comfort to the ways you naturally behave. So your first step is simply to observe without condemnation.
The first is that I am chronically shy and have no idea how to overcome this problem. When my husband and I go to functions, I find it extremely difficult to approach people. I prefer lurking in the corner and leaving ASAP. My husband is far more socially adept than I, and I long to enjoy the functions that we go to without becoming this person who cannot seem to move, talk, or speak.
The second problem is that I am extremely jealous about my husband--not in the sense that I think he would do anything, but jealous about how he cares for his staff at work. He's a manager and he spends time with them--looking after them and socializing with them. I want to be number one in his life, and even though I know that I am, I need him to constantly show me that.
I love my husband more than anything, and we have an excellent relationship when it's just the two of us or with a couple of really close friends. But how can I overcome this shyness and jealousy?
--Michelle
It's obvious, Michelle, that you have a lot of insight into your difficulties, and it's truly helpful that you want to change. However, as you have already seen, overcoming jealousy is very difficult and changing your personality from shy to outgoing is almost impossible.
Most people who are shy were born that way, and it's unrealistic to believe that you can become outgoing when that is not your basic nature. Your goal is not so much to move, talk, and speak differently as it is to bring enjoyment and comfort to the ways you naturally behave. So your first step is simply to observe without condemnation.
Advertisement
Related Features
Top Features
Advertisement
