How to Forgive After an Affair

One man describes his journey from pain and devastation to forgiveness

chrismch

01/15/2013 05:43:05 AM

yes my wife cheated on me and told me about it but she wonts to work on our marrage but i work out of state and all i can do is cry and can eat cantsleep been up for 3 days and i just fill like diying i just need some help i love her and wont to work on it but how can i forgave her i pray and can not come up with any thank i dont know what to do

akeene

01/17/2012 06:54:08 PM

I can understand the pain that Jason went through cause it happened to me I've been married for 45 years, and my husband has had several affairs Its not that I dont have any self esteem I forgave him but he has never admit to any of the affairs even though I caught him right in the act, he still denied it. I took it to God in prayer. I too was diagnose with cancer, but I caught it early and just had to go thru radiation treatment and Thank God, its been over ten years now i'm cancer free God has been so good to me. Lately, I find my husband has no affection towards me He sleeps with his pants on put pillows to seperate us in bed and uses his own comforter to cover up from touching me I pray and I have a good relation with my master I know Jesus loves me so I go around knowing that I am in the masters hand and nothing can take that away from me I go to church every sunday My pastor told me to hang in there I did ask my husband if he loves me he laughs so I told him you probably love me but not inlove with me he just smiled I am happy my 6 children keeps me smiling all the time I know i'm not alone its happening all over I thank beliefnet I look forward every day reading the many comments and postings God bless you all I am so happy in the Lord and I will not let no one take that away from me Love you all

MSTMP

10/10/2011 01:31:51 PM

My husband had an affair, and the woman got pregnant. I have prayed, and i have given this trial and storm over to God, but it just seems the devil is always busy. things can be going good, then all of a sudden, she is back in the picture. This child will be 2 10/13, and now all of a sudden, why is he trying to spend time, or she is trying to get him too... I hurt so bad, over this, i could go on to explain more, but i will cry...can't let people see me cry.!

keepgoing

09/18/2011 02:11:22 PM

Please read this if you have gone through an affair. I found out in Feb that my wife had been seeing another man for several months. It started off just as friends and then for 2 to 3 months it turned sexual. My wife and I had always had the best sex life however our friendship had driffed away or that was the excuse she used. It destroyed me when I found this out. My best friend of 22 yrs just commited suicide and my mother had past away and the affair was 10 times worse then both of them put together. What I didnt know or understand then is just how powerful the mind is. The brain is like a superconductor of energy and it can influence your negative cells if that is how your thinking or your positve cells. After the affair believe me I was Negative all the way , wondering where God was in all of this and why the woman I gave 10 yrs of my life too as well as 5 kids would do this when I gave her everything in my being. 4 months to the day after the affair I was diagnosed with Lymphoma (cancer) my Dr actually came into my hospital room and said we all have these cells in our body however something usually happens to us to make our bodies activate them. SHE SAID TO ME GO BACK ABOUT 4 TO 6 MONTHS AGO AND SEARCH TO SEE IF SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU THAT MADE YOU THINK NEGATIVE AND THAT COULD BE WHAT CAUSED YOUR CANCER TO ACTIVATE SO QUICKLY. My blood was said to be the best they had seen in 25 yrs of anyone with cancer. I have always been in great shape and a very positive person until the affair. I prayed day and night to ask God to help me forgive and I tried so hard but it took time just to get to where I am. They say it takes about 6 to 9 months to get over an affair which means it takes that long to keep from wanting to reach i your chest and pull your own heart out because of the emotioal pain. YOU NEVER FORGET AND SHOULDNT. A WISE MAN FORGIVES BUT DOESNT FORGET AND LET HIS GUARD DOWN. I pray this help others who have gone through an affair because I have never know pain like this and I truly believe I worried myself into igniting the cancer cells in my body. PLease dont do the same. I have this advice , if they cheated and want to leave -let them, becasue if you try to get them to stay they will feel like a caged animal. If you say go they will feel a freedom and they just may find out the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. If they want to be forgiven and stay and keep the family together -never ever forgive them to quick or easy. here is a saying I came up with. ANYTHING OBTAINED WITHOUT DISCIPLINE IS NOT APPRECIEATED make them work for it and prove it to you. GOD BLESS

frens_mark

09/07/2011 05:31:27 AM

Hi ! Jason,.I can relate about your story, I believe that God brought me here in this site to know more on how to handle things like this, Me and my wife had no longer talking to each other, we have one daughter, we had been marriage for 4 years, during that years or even at present, we encounter trials that lead sometimes in arguments and fighting,. and just a months ago, she told me that she wants to leave me, and she hates me so much, I'm asking for forgiveness to her but, she said that I am forgiven already but the relationship will end up, and she will not go back to me anymore. She recalls to me all the words i had been spoken to her many years by ; i admit that i did that because i'm in angry, and the reason im angry b'coz she is not asking permission when the time that she is already out in the office or even to go out with her friends . Now what i did is to find ways to save our marriage, but nothing happens, but before this happen I become a christian, I brought my wife actually to the church and she said that is good for me, but just nothing to her and she doesn't feel anything but instead she wanted to go out in the church and find place to look around. Now, I am impart of the discipleship of the ministry . I always pray, day and night, read the bible, i always cried out to God of the hurts that i felt this time. I am hoping that someday, somehow there's a miracle happen to both of us. Help me pray to revive my family !!! Thank you .. Godbless all

Dunamus3

08/26/2011 02:25:48 PM

Blessings to you, Jason. Far too often Lust is mistaken for Love. At any rate, there is no slap in the face as hard as the slap that is given off by an unfaithful spouse... when this happings the departing spouse is saying;"Your are not enough for me.."When this happens, my contention is , if someone can walk away, from goodness,let them go, they do not deserve.to stay. We find in the Scriptures that when the unbelieving depart, the one who is left has been called to peace, and that all thing works together for good for those who love the Lord...,Manytimes, it takes determination to embrace these principles, but I have seen them work. The sooner we permit ourselves to forgive, the quicker we set ourselves free to move on. Nothing in the world is worth self-destruction, not even an unfaithful spouse.

Trubearsfan

08/26/2011 11:59:48 AM

Thanks Jason for your honesty and compassion towards others similiarly situated. I too, am one who has considered writing on the subject of forgiveness which stems very much from bitterness and resentment, that all of us have experienced as a result of betrayal or from feelings of guilt. Yours was a great article.

ROY1C

08/26/2011 07:12:41 AM

I sincerely appreciate your story of healing and reconciliation. The effort that it took on your part is a hard road indeed. I have been down the same road too and am much older now. All I would add to your book / article is found in the first few paragraphs. In my case, marrying and starting a family in my teens was a mistake and we both needed bo become more mature in our thinking before taking on such responsibility. Being in love was simply not enough. Thanks for sharing this... I know it helps millions of people who see it. God Blexx, Roy

izzyliz

08/25/2011 03:10:39 PM

Correction: On pg. 4 of Jason's story, the name of the organization is Moral Revolution, not More Revolution. :)

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