Tips for Positive Parenting

We Don't Have to Buy Them Happiness

We often think the best measurement of our parenting skill is how happy our children are. Toward this goal, we put TVs in our kids’ rooms, go into debt for lavish birthday parties and vacations, and fix the foods our children clamor for instead of what they need. Our job as parents is not to make our children happy, but to help them become good people—compassionate, honest, responsible, hard-working. When a 10-year-old already obsessed with video games asks for an iPod, or a 16-year-old wants us to buy him a car, we may need to say no. The 10-year-old needs to gain some maturity and discipline; the 16-year-old could earn the money for a car. Our job is to help our children distinguish between their short-term happiness and the long-term good of their character.

We Can Be Less Anxious

“I just want my kids to be safe.” How many times have I said this and heard other parents say the same? Of course we want our kids to be in safe cars, schools, and homes. But this desire for safety can spiral out of control, fed by fear, and lead to what some are already calling “the anxious generation.” Too much caution will cripple our children with fear and limit their enjoyment and effectiveness in life. As parents, we need to practice safety, but we also need to practice trust and faith. Kids need challenges and adventures to stretch their abilities and give them self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and courage—attributes every successful adult needs.

We Don't Need to Be Perfect

Many of us live with the realities of divorce, single-parenting, blended families, teen pregnancy, and many other less-than-perfect circumstances. We often feel like failures, and worry about our children’s security and success and their own future families. But there is no perfect family. Families throughout history were often marked by imperfection, yet the children from those families still accomplished much. With attentive parenting, we can help turn adversity into strength. For instance, I travel often to teach and speak. While our family is apart, my kids have learned to cook and manage the house. Our own family limitations never limit our children’s faith or their possibilities.