Seeing The Souls of Your Children

Your toddler is having her second tantrum of the day while your four-year-old is racing around the house with the neighbor's child. You feel completely stressed out and are wondering, "Why did I have kids-what was I thinking?"

At times like this, it's helpful to remember who your children really are-spiritual beings who courageously came here to evolve their souls through an earthly experience. They are learning how to operate on the planet in their little bodies, and they need your love as much as they need oxygen, food, and water. They may respond to being seen as peaceful beings-even in the midst of chaos.

Your response to your children's difficult behavior has as much to do with shaping your own parenting experience as shaping their characters. When you see yourself as having the privilege of shepherding these precious souls into adulthood, rather than being burdened with the task of raising children, your own experience of parenthood will be greatly enhanced.

You have the choice each moment to see your children through spiritual eyes of love or through earthly eyes of fear and control. The moment your intention is to control them, you are likely to respond to their tantrums, demands, and resistance with anger, exasperation, frustration, or criticism. When your intention is to be loving to yourself and to them, you will find loving ways of limiting their unacceptable behavior.

My client and I were discussing this very issue concerning her six-year-old boy. He was acting up and having tantrums every day-and she was at her wit's end. I pointed out to her that she was responding to the tantrum rather than to what was motivating it. Her son has a long day at school and in day care, and he spends every other weekend with a dad who didn't attempt to maintain consistent discipline and values.

I encouraged her to focus on her son's need for love and reassurance, rather than try to deal with the tantrum itself. At six, her son isn't very good at expressing himself, so she has to assume that his need is for love and stability. She doesn't need to punish his behavior. Instead, by letting him know she understands and loves him and that it's okay for him not to be happy all the time, the tantrum may be averted. Even if it's not, continuing to see the loving soul of the child, even in the midst of the tantrum, can do much to avert future tantrums.

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