Restoring Faith in Life Itself
The key to supporting your child's spirit is to replace images of disaster with activities of hope.
BY: Mimi Doe
I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
I believe in love even when feeling it not.
I believe in God even when he/she is silent.
--Composed by a Holocaust victim
The key to getting through any challenge is faith--believing what our eyes cannot see. Our eyes have been filled with images of horror the last few days--darkness in our world of light. This is a time we must draw on our connection with spirit as never before and find ways to help our children find their center when they are rocked with fear and questions.
The following are ideas to support your child's spirit during this time of tragedy in our world:
Use television with caution.
Be aware of the images you are beaming onto your young child's consciousness. If you want news of the tragedy turn on the radio; it's less intrusive. If your child has already seen the chilling images of destruction, help him come up with another image of beauty to replace it. When he is trying to fall asleep, his "movie projector" mind can choose to substitute the horrifying scene with the calm image he has created. On the other hand, older children may find information to be empowering. My 14-year-old daughter said, "Knowledge is power, Mom, and it helps me to learn all the facts I can." In this case, watch with them and discuss what you are witnessing on the news.
Use candles as a concrete way to symbolize your efforts to send light to those who need it now. Perhaps you want to give each candle a specific intention. Light a candle and pray for the victims and families touched by this trauma. Light another candle for rescue workers, doctors, firefighters, and all those who are working to make our lives safe and to repair the damage. Your child might like to designate the third candle. She may wish to pray for those people who caused this horrific act of violence, that spirit might fill them and help them see that painful action is not a choice.
Rely on comforting rituals.
Many families have told me they have found comfort from praying the memorized prayers of their youth. Familiar repetitive prayer may be a balm for you and your children. Don't forget mealtime prayers and the rituals of your everyday lives. Kids cling to the comforting rhythm of the ordinary during times of stress.
Connect with others.
If your community or church is holding candlelight services go with your kids. Join with neighbors for dinner or take a walk and speak to those you see. Kids long for connectivity at all times, but especially now.
Talk, listen, talk and listen some more.
Don't assume your 5-year-old is "oblivious" to the events of the past few days or your sophisticated teen won't talk to you anyway. My mailbox has been flooded with stories of horrific pictures young children are drawing showing bombs and blood, as well as their worries and misapprehensions--such as, "Our house is white--is that the 'White House' they meant to bomb?"
Ask open-ended questions and make time to listen without distraction. Expect questions such as "How could anyone kill in the name of God?" "Who is this Allah that they are killing for?" Then honestly respond with your own grief, your own horror over the beautiful image of God being used in hate.
Your young child may have fears during the night. Set up a sleeping bag on the floor of your bedroom and let your child know she can snuggle in if she feels afraid.
Let go of expectations.
All children react differently to stress, and their reactions change with each stressful situation. Be open to whatever behavior arises and sensitive to what your child might need at any given time. One mother told me her 11-year-old son showed no emotion over the events of the last few days, and she worried he wasn't aware that this was truly different from a video game. It wasn't until she over heard her son talking on the phone to a friend that she understood he was unloading with his pals not his mom.