Spanking Is Not Abusive

I never needed braces as a child, but a good friend of mine did. Was the act of putting wires on her teeth torture? She thought so. But she was thrilled to have beautiful, straight teeth later in life. Braces aren't a perfect parallel to spanking, but what can be perceived as temporarily painful may in the long run be a positive thing--when handled with love and with care (and, in our case, sparingly) as part of a whole parenting philosophy that includes time-outs, positive reinforcement, and praise.

I'm not saying that spanking is necessary for every child--there are parents and children who have the type of relationship in which spanking is inconceivable, and I respect that. But I know that there are those who feel that any spanking at all is abusive. I do not agree.

I don't spank often. I've only done it once to my 3-year-old son, Matthew, when he ran away from me in a parking lot, and three times with my four-year-old daughter, Helen.

My guidelines for using spanking are these: When my kids have been warned repeatedly, have been given a time-out, and still stubbornly insist on continuing dangerous or blatantly disobedient behavior, I tell them that if the behavior continues they will be spanked. If they persist, I follow through with my promise. I spank with an open hand, never more than two swats, and always after a warning and with a clear and calm explanation of why I am spanking.

In the above-mentioned case, Matthew had a habit of slipping out of my grasp and running through the parking lot of our temple's preschool. He got a time-out, and I told him if the behavior was repeated he would get a spanking. The next day he was fine, but the following day he ran away again.

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