When Mother's Day Is Hard
Not every Mother's Day is perfect, but how you handle that is key.
05/17/2011 01:12:44 PM
My daughter miscarried her first child back in September, but the baby would have been due around Mother's Day. Very hard on our family this year...
05/08/2011 07:15:35 PM
I seem like a cry baby with all the major issues listed below...but this day has been very depressing for me. I don't feel appreciated and the press is on for everyone to worship their mother. I feel paralyzed, guilty because I have not some how filled the role of mother to a preteen daughter. Nevermind by whole life is revolves around her and her activities. It is just a generalized guilt and then a let down if you don't have the "hallmark moment " as is seen on TV. I know it is unrealistic but somehow I am in tears over the conflict. Hope this helps other know they are not alone.
05/08/2011 10:36:18 AM
My son was snatched by his father as a toddler, I found him twenty six years later a drug addict whose baby was born with incurable birth defects that led to his death right after I just met him. Right now he's in detention waiting to be sentenced for armed robbery. There seems to be no way to reach out to him, his brain may be damaged completely by his drug use or he may be in denial of his problem, I truly don't know how to be a mother to him as my every attempt has failed. Today is Mothers Day and I have a hard time reconciling with all this. I guess today I'll let myself mourn for my loss as part of the process of letting go and giving it to God.
05/07/2011 01:47:05 PM
My mother is an abusive alcoholic who beat the crap out of me on a semi-daily basis for 20 years. The physical, emotional, and psychological torture was unbearable - "Mommy Dearest" had nothing on my mom. Although I have forgiven her for the constant pain she inflicted on me back then, I find it difficult to forget about the ongoing alcoholism and verbally abusive behavior -so Mother's Day is very hard for me...because I NEVER really HAD a mom. I didn't invite my biological mother to my wedding because when I told her I was getting married, she told me that she didn't regret all the times she tried to kill me - literally kill me. My entire childhood, she drove drunk with me in the car...played chicken while driving drunk with me in the car....beat me to the point I had diamond marks in the whites of my eyes from her rings...beat me to the point of my being unconcious - all too many times to count... I finally went to see her in August 2010 - after it had been 5 years. She stayed drunk the first 48 hours I was there...so I left. And yet, despite how she continues to treat me, I still sent her a Mother's Day card. I don't have any kids yet - largely because it has taken me so long to fully trust I will not turn into my mother. I now have a stepmom - she is really sweet most of the time...and I sent her a Mother's Day gift...but she has made it clear that she is NOT my mom. And, unfortunately, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and my brother's girlfriend (who gave birth to my now 7-year-old niece) are all so self-involved that I don't really want to celebrate them. My husband was adopted, so he feels a tremendous need to thank his mother. I go along with it because I adore him...I even got his mom a card and a gift, like I have done every year since we have been together. But this Sunday, like so many previous Mother's Days, I know I will be feeling that same empty hole where my mother should be...but isn't and never will be unless she by some small miracle gets into recovery. Just because you give birth to a child doesn't make you a mother...and just because you don't have biological children doesn't mean that you sre not a mother - in the truest, best sense of the word...Happy Mother's Day to the REAL moms out there...
05/07/2011 01:32:37 PM
This will be my 2nd Mother's Day without my "BabyGirl" She left us on April 21 2010. She died from a sinus infection which caused an abcess in her brain. I still have my three older children and I love them all unconditionally but she was only 14 so it is just really hard. I also lost both my Mom and my step mom whom had adopted me after my own Mother passed when I was only 10. While Mothers Day is a joyous occasion, it is also a very sad one for me.
05/07/2011 11:57:08 AM
I just lost "My Other Mother" my wonderful aunt and without her I could have never gone through the death of my real mother as well as I did she kept me as balanced as I could be. The thing that hurt me the most was I sent her daughter my Cousin a beautiful card and she didn't even bother to call me that she received it my other aunt told me as though it was nothing and I was so totally upset. She died mouths before was to turn 100 from a horrible fall that could have been completely avoided just like her sister's fall and I was just so furious because we had so much more to say to one another. She informed me about so much about my family that I didn't know about because I wasn't born yet or to young she informed about things about her sister who is now 90 and the last of my mother's family. Why she did things that I could never understand of which was so important to me. I spoke to her every Wednesday on the phone because she lived so far away from me and she made my week so happy and I surely miss her now and always will she was almost a twin to my mother but I my mother was older than she but they had the same way of speaking they looked like twins. I will always miss her and I love her so very much I just wish I could have seen her just one more time but she is on the otherside of the curtain with her brothers and sister where she wanted to be so badly. I am sure they are catching up and having a wonderful time of which I wish could be but I will be there when God calls me.
05/07/2011 09:55:31 AM
Tomorrow will be the first mothers day, without my mom. :( She lost her battle with cancer, on thanksgiving 2010. I really don't know how to feel I'm sad, angry and depressed. I've tried to prepare myself for this day to no avail. being and adult with a deceased parent is not easy im In my early 30's and I still haven't found a way to cope. But this story was right on time, I will pass it along to others who are have problems with this day!
05/14/2006 05:18:43 PM
At 53, I believe I have tried every approach to dealing with my mother's distance from me: from attempting to please, denial, anger, revenge, pretentious love to avoidance. They all seem to leave me feeling empty and because I know that these are works of the flesh, so they leave me feeling guilty. But the one approach that seems to work is the more excellent way. I deal with the pain of being the daughter of my mother by loving her through the Love of Christ. The Bible says in I Corinthians 13:4, that "Charity suffereth long." And when I put on Christ, when I put on charity (Col 3:14), when I "let the word of Christ dwell in me richly in all wisdom (Col 4:16), He gives me the Grace to treat her with the love and respect I wish she would give me. And the bonus is, I avoid being "entangled again with the yoke of bondage (Romans 5:1). God's Word Works!
05/11/2006 11:42:36 PM
I was married for 6 long years. I had two beautiful kids. My 1st hubby and I Divorced and I had custody of my kids. I was dx'ed with Bipolar Disorder. My son lived with me for another 3 more years and I decided that a son needs his father. I had a dd and 41/2 years I felt in the best interest of her she needed to go and live with her father. I was put on SSDI and thier father and step-mother go give then the things they wanted
05/10/2006 09:54:55 AM
My parents died when I was 2. My father in an accident and 6 weks later my mother committed suicide. For a long time I believed it was my fault(I was told it was by family). I lost so much time being angry-- and hurt. But i have come to see that they couldn't be seperated--their love was that strong. And I am who I am because of the things that have happened . Perhaps that is the lesson we all have to learn.
05/09/2006 01:31:52 PM
yes mothers day is a very painful and confusing day! i know i should be thankful for the 2 living children i have but on this day all i can seem to think about is my mother who has been gone since i was 19 yrs old and my first born son whom died of SIDS! i will wear a smile on this day for my children but inside my heart will be breaking for my loss!! some people dont know how good they have it and i am thankful for everything i have because i know that no matter how hard it is it could always be worse! so i will have a heavy heart on the inside this mothers day but from my childrens eyes i will be smiling on the outside!! just like every year we will go to the cemetary together and take flowers for my son (their brother) and my mother who was also my best friend! i know they are both smiling down on all of us and i know in my heart that we will all be together again someday in heaven! happy mothers day to all of you!
05/09/2006 04:28:27 AM
52 years ago, I was born on Mother's Day, and I empathise with christycat927 because my mother took great joy in teasing me about it, tormenting, and abusing me, physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, during my childhood, and especially in my teens (I am the youngest of 4 sons, with one younger sister). I suffered from retarded puberty (my pituitary gland was non-functional), and she not-only knew about this, but kept it a secret from both my father and our family doctor. When my problem was finally diagnosed (in my teens), it was too late, and my mother told me I would never father children. Had she planned this all along? I wanted to know "why?" she put me through such torture, for so long. She remained in Denial until the end. She died in 2004. To achieve Closure, I Forgave her, "In the Name of Christ", at her funeral. Since then, I've been able to rejoice in celebrating Mother's Day for all the Mothers I know.
05/08/2006 06:35:08 PM
PART TWO: I have sent my daughter flowers, Christmas cards(only to have it sent back, and just before Christmas too). She does not accept my apologies, nor has apologized to me. It is as if I am invisible to her. I have tried everything to reach out to her. I am denied the opportunity to know my grandson, but yet, she will let my late husband's adultress see and know him. Sometime I have ask God to take me, because the pain has been so unbearable. It is by God's help that I can make it.
05/08/2006 05:00:49 PM
Mothers Day doesn't really exist for me. My birthmother had me as a teen-then didn't want me. Her neglect led to my adoption by her mother...and then I spent my childhood being emotionally and verbally abused by her. I've tried to restore relationships with both of them...but my birth mother doesn't want much to do with me because I remind her of her past-which she doesn't even take responsibility for...and then my grandmother is like a child to me... and I can only stand to be around her for short periods of time. I'm 30 and childless-not really by choice but circumstance...I'm not married nor ready to set up "house" but all my old friends are popping out babies left and right...and all I read about are stories of motherhood happiness or loss by death. I'm happy and sad for both groups. But I just feel out of place... So, I just try to mother myself and hope the day passes quickly.
05/08/2006 10:41:18 AM
This year 2006 will be the first time without my Mother. She passed over on March 3 2006. What helps me is i talk to her about everything that goe on in my life. And that comforts me more than anything. I know that she hears me.I never knew how empty i was without her. You can have many many Daddys but you can have but One MOTHER.
05/08/2006 08:22:53 AM
I have not seen my daughter in over 2 years, nor my new grandson, as we have been estranged over some conflicts. I have tried to reach out, but she does not accept. The pain has at times been extremely unbearable. I long for my family back. I miss her terribly and sometime do not go to church on Mother's Day, because the pain is to hard to bear. The help I get is from God, (He gives me strength go go on) and crying as a release.
05/06/2006 12:48:43 AM
I am a 22-year-old single parent of a 2-year-old and since my daughter has been here it's been hard on Mother's Day. I don't have anyone that shows their appreciation for what i do except my daughter. She's not in daycare so I don't get the special card that she would make with her class or anything. You can't leave us single parents out. I work two jobs, seven days a week and I don't feel appreciated and that is the hardest thing to deal with.
05/05/2006 11:25:13 AM
22 yrs Mom has been gone she passed away Jan22 1984..There are times i forget her face and her voice is scary to think one could foget such a person...But when i look in the mirror, I see her peeking out behind a smile or look of frustration, maybe a tear or 2. Most of all i see her in the eyes of my determination when it weakens When the tears of frustration burn in my eye, Her memory burns in my heart I know she would want me to fight harder than she did,And learn not to od as she did ....this is what the legacy of love is to those left behind GOD BLESS
05/05/2006 11:08:29 AM
i will celebrate mothers day with my daughters on this earth and i will have a huge hole in my heart for my daughter who is no longer here with me. my daughter was killed by a drunk driver 6 years ago. no one but another mother who has lost a child will understand how brutal this day is and how hard we work to let our suriving children know how special they are to us. Yet how i wish others would not say "I wish you a GREAT mothers day!" (yes I actually got this message just this morning from my sil). How i wish she would instead have said, "i will be thinking of you this mothers day and pray you be given peace and strength to get through yet one more mothers day without your precious daughter on this earth". I have had to learn how to forgive alot of ignorance on this journey.
05/09/2004 04:18:58 PM
Part 3 - edit - my siblings, Dad, kids, I AND MY MOTHER - went to a restaurant.
05/09/2004 04:18:00 PM
Part 3 - My siblings, Dad and I and kids all went to a restaurant for Mother's Day, having a good old time, laughing and eating good food. We were the loudest people at the restaurant!!
05/09/2004 04:16:52 PM
Part 2- a funny Mother's Day My son was 9 and he cooked me scrambled eggs in a circular cake pan!! I don't know how he did it, the eggs were perfect. He had also gotten me a little ring and a pin which I still have.
05/09/2004 04:15:25 PM
I've been depressed this Mother's Day, my grown son didn't send me a card and my mother is deceased, I called my sister to ask how she was (and I was going to ask her what she was doing this Mother's Day) and she told me to get a life!! So I have been depressed, but Beliefnet has helped with its thoughtful articles and people posting their variety of experiences. See part 2
05/09/2004 02:26:21 PM
Mother's Day - a day of such mixed emotions. Since our son's death almost five years ago we have slowly drifted away from the church. So, today, a dreary Sunday, the 6th Mother's day without our son, we find ourselves spring cleaning the house -- and funny what items you discover. In my kitchen china cabinet - a special place for keepsakes for me - I found a note written by our son - asking that I awaken him before 11am to make jam. This must have been about 6 or seven years ago - and almost at this time of year when he enjoyed making strawberry jam. Also with that note was one of his miniature artwork efforts - a little watercolour scene. There must have been a reason that today was the day selected to spring clean my china cabinet - someone - or some spirit guided me here. The hurtof his loss will never go away - but good memories can bring tears of joy that help soothe the hurt. Wonder which room I should go to next to spring clean? Thank you for the opportunity to share.
04/12/2004 02:42:10 AM
I have a VERY wonderful mom! But, I am adopted, and have tried everything to find my Bparents. especially my bfather, and family. If I had thousands of dollars, i would already know who they were, but, i don't ! I have had a LOT of medical problems, and because of where I was adopted from, (homestead adopion agency, ft.worth, texas) (they burned there records) I haven't had ANY luck! Maybe with some prayer, I'll have better luck!! I've been looking for way over ten years!! and have had more than minor health problems!! I need LOTS and Lots of help!! I've prayed, but, maybe reinforcement will help! email me privately at firstname.lastname@example.org thank you,m "Ramona
05/14/2003 03:53:22 PM
The only bad memory I have of my mother was that she drank too much, however when I remember back to her funeral I can see just how many lives she affected. I just hope that God finds a place for her with him.
05/14/2003 03:51:31 PM
The month of May is so hard for me because it is the month when so many things have happened in my life. We have mothers day, my mother was hospitalized on May 11, 1990 and she passed away on May 18, 1990 and on May 28, 1990 would have been her 48th birthday. I feel responsible for her death because I made the decision to have her removed from life support because I was the oldest daughter there, I have an older sister but she was out of the country and it was hard to get in touch with her. I find that those memories still come back to haunt me at times. I know some people may think that I played God, but I did not want to see my mother suffer and I did not want to put the rest of my family through all the guilt I was and still am feeling.
05/23/2001 09:43:26 PM
this year i had a vey difficult mother's day. my mother passed this year in january and my only daughter and i had a big arguement over her daughter and she told me she was dead to me from now on the week before mothers day so it was very hard for me to celebrate. but what i did was went to church that morning of mothers day and prayed for myself and my daughter and cryed and thanked god for taking my mother with him because she died of cancer and was in a lot of pain im happy but i miss her a lot she was 81 years old.then i went to her grave after church and talked to her and put a flower on her grave and i felt much better. praise god
05/14/2001 02:39:25 PM
Mother's Day is always hard for me, my mother passed away of cancer 7 years ago, she was only 39 years old and i was only 15. I am 22 now and still miss her greatly, especially on Mother's Day. Some people dont realize that others dont have a mother to celebrate that day with. I always go to the place where she was laid to rest and talk to her and tell her how much i miss her and hope she is having a nice Mother's Day in heaven. My prayers are with everyone who also does not have anyone to celebrate Mother's Day with. God Bless.
05/14/2001 12:24:47 PM
Mother's day is so hard for some of us it is excruciating pain...I lost my first son five years ago and this is the first mother's day that it really hit me. Maybe because my son woud have been six this year and I keep imagining Jared climbing on my lap and saying "Happy Mother's day Mama..." The pain is unbelievable...I have a six month old child this Mother's day but the pain is still so alive...I thank God every day for my second chance to hold life...but as hard as I try what I really want is both of my sons in my arms all the time, evey day of the year....People say that time heals..but all it really does is take the edge off and on days such as Mother's day time does nothing..My prayers are with all who feel the same as I, this Mother's Day..
05/14/2001 12:01:31 AM
Today my Mother's Day was blessed already, but then it was doubley blessed with a special surprise which was my children drove from the north, 4 hours to see me on this day. We had a wonderful visit. Thoughts of my sister's mother's day was with me because this was her first mother's day without her youngest son, who recently died from suicide. I can't imagine her pain, but I know that perhaps she is getting help and comfort from reading the messages and articles from this site. THIS IS FOR YOU: You are missed and thought of often and we all wish you well and comfort through this day, and all days to come. Take it one day at a time. I am here for you, if not in person but in spirit. If there is someplace after this life, he had mother's day with our mother.....and I'm sure they both thought of you and sent you their continued love and support. With love and peace....
05/13/2001 03:59:24 PM
Mother's Day is very difficult for me as I am adopted and my adopted Mother is very emotionally abusive to me and my family. I don't know what I have done to be treated in such ways over the 34 1/2 years of my life. I know who my birthmother is, but she doesn't want me in her life. I wish I could tell my birthmother that she is loved and that I care about her and wish her strength on this Mother's Day. I don't know what I have done to my birthmother to deserve such an ordeal. I am lucky to have my birthmother's sister and my husband's mother here today to share this Mother's Day with me and help me cope with not having a "mother" in my life. Thanks for letting me vent on this Mother's Day. Sincerely sadadpted
05/13/2001 03:33:20 AM
When I was growing up Mother's Day was the worst day of the year. My mother was extremely abusive. She was mentally ill and often tried to kill us. Mother's Day we had to pretend to love her and do lovely things for her, but it was never right-never enough and she always flew into a rage attack. My mother will be 80 this summer. I have sent her a Mother's Day card with a check in it and I will call her briefly. That is the best I can do. Then almost 3 years ago my 29 year old daughter died in a car accident. Her two young children who were in the car with her survived but have been terribly traumatized. Mother's Day is such a heartache for me when my child is missing. But I hold it together and we take the children to her grave and let them send balloons with notes attached into the sky. After everyone goes home and just my husband and I are here I finally let myself grieve my daughter.
05/12/2001 09:16:03 PM
I have been very blessed with a wonderful mom who has always been there for me, even when I wasn't always the best daughter. But we need to remember a special group of people that Mother's Day is very difficult for them to celebrate. I am talking about the children whose mothers have abandoned them, through no fault of the children. There is a very wonderful young man that my daughter is dating. His mother left him and his father a little over a year ago. He has struggled with the feeling that his mother left him at such a critical time in his life. I try to fill in some of the gaps but there are only some that a mother can fill. This is his second Mother's Day without her and it doesn't get any easier for him. All of the ads and commercials show loving and wonderful mothers, something he doesn't have anymore. Please remember these children, the ones who don't have that wonderful mom to celebrate the day with.
05/12/2001 02:59:24 PM
This Mother's Day is the first after my youngest son (age 16) died from suicide. My older son has been wonderful. I don't know what I would do without him. I found past Mother's Day gifts from my youngest son which I will treasure always. This is such a sad day, but I know I am always my son's mother.
05/12/2001 09:38:10 AM
....that letter I mentioned is really helps on days like today and Christmas etc.
05/12/2001 09:33:47 AM
My Mum passed away at Christmas when I was 15 and alone. I had a lot of relatives, but I was just an obligation, so i didn't really have anyone to talk to. I found writing in a diary, things I remembered i.e a special birthday, something nice she did for me when I was sick etc, including my feelings - happy and sad. No one else would see it, so it didn't matter if it sounded silly to someone else. Earlier, just in case, she wrote a letter to me, telling me she would always love and watch me from Heaven and some other things. Knowing that I still had her in Heaven is what kept me going for many years. If you're a mum, I think its a good idea to write a letter, just reminding your child that they are loved and worth something and whatever else - just in case. Keep it somewhere safe. Having it to read when things get too rough really helps.
05/11/2001 04:32:27 PM
My first Mother's Day was two days after I gave birth to my son at only 24 weeks along in my pregnancy. He was stillborn. Everyone at church was very supportive on that Sunday morning in Columbus, OH in 1989. By the members of the congregation coming forward, acknowledging our loss and letting us talk about our son we experieinced the healing power of love and support through the Spirit of God. During his 24 weeks in our life that little boy taught my husband and I a great deal about the kind of people we are, how strong we were and how important our relationship with God will always be. He gave us the strength to, in spite of all the difficulties of the pregnancy, go on and build a family. Please remember the mothers who only got to hold their babies one time and give them only one kiss - - they suffered the joy and pain of motherhood all in one moment in time but they are no less a mother than those of us who have the great priviledge of nuturing and watching our children develop and love each day!
05/11/2001 08:02:11 AM
There is one other group for whom Mother's Day is difficult: those of us whose mothers have Alzheimer's. My mother is in the final stages of this terrible disease. We have chosen to take care of her at home until she passes. But she has no idea who we are, or that she is our Mother. She can not read a card or understand our sentiments of love towards her. We care for her as one would an infant, feeding her, and changing her, and just being with her. She is well loved and taken care of just as she took care of us so many years ago. But it is so hard not to be able to have her once again understand us when we say "I love you Mother." We are blessed in that we are able to give her the attention we know she deserves and the care that she needs. We are blessed that she is happy and not in pain. Still, it is a difficult day for us.
05/11/2001 03:37:51 AM
My mother was only 60 when she was taken from us suddenly on April 1st, 2000. I had and I am still having difficultly dealing with her death. I have 2 children of my own and last Mother's day I found comfort in that she was able to spend the last few months in my home which helped mend some old wounds we had given each other over the years. Also I found comfort She not only got to know my daughter before she left but she also got to know more about me, her own daughter. I hold those memories close and they help sooth my heart. My children give joy to my life, but my heart will always feel broken, and a dark cloud will linger on Mothers's day. Being a Mother is the hardest job on Earth...and the most painful...but when you count all its good benefits, its proven that its worth every minute and every tear...Thanks MoM.I Miss You.To all Mothers-Have a Great Mother's Day.We've earned it! Don't you think? Your in my prayers Belexi in Nevada
05/10/2001 07:42:55 PM
This will be my first mothers day without my mom. She died in July of last year from Ovarian Cancer. She was 57. I am a mother of 2, and it seems that as the day gets closer, I feel more like not celebrating it. It was hard enough getting thru the holidays with out completely losing it. I am trying so hard to be stong for my own babies. I know that she is in a much better place celebrating life, and I keep telling myself that I will see her again in Heaven. That and God is the only true comfort on Earth I have. My husband tries and I love him for that, but until you lose someone so close to you, its hard to understand.So the best advice I can give to anyone including myself, is to trust your Lord and Saviour, pray and keep on remembering yourself as a mother and the mothers in your life then and now. I will be praying for all of you, keep me in your prayers as well. Angela in Va.
05/10/2001 08:54:19 AM
I'm not sure which was my hardest Mothers Day. The day after my abusive Uncle had hauled me through a mid-term backyard abortion when I was 15, the last Mothers Day I spent with my youngest son, which was 9 days before he died of a prolonged illness, or this coming one, which will be the first one since my only daughter died of the same illness as my youngest son. My heart just breaks for all my children, my three dead ones and my only remaining living one. I cry, I write poems, I burn candles in memory, and I try and find what is good in my life. My own mother still lives, which is nice, and my son is lovely, as is my husband, and I take a lot of comfort from my two little doggies too.