Growing Strawberries Again

The bittersweet memories of summer fruits...and motherhood.

GloC

05/13/2006 12:39:55 AM

The past few days have been esp, depressing for me-you see, this will probably be my very last Mother's Day to spend with my children. I have been told I am terminally ill with Lung cancer and will probably not live another 6 months. My youngest daughter turned 18 years old a few days ago and will graduate in a few weeks. She knows how I have yearned to see her receive her diploma-a goal that I have been unsure I would live to see. All my depression dissapeared on her birthday when she walked in with a beautiful bunch of flowers and explained she wanted to thank me for giving her life-how very blessed I am! Life suddenly is filled with gladness and joy and thankfulness at how wonderful Motherhood truely is!

Clouds47

05/11/2004 01:40:27 PM

Thank you kjaggi - I shall try that book. I felt unusually depressed when I posted, I don't always feel that way - and throughout the years I have tried various "therapies" like Church, reading various new age books, meditation, travel, doing new things, etc. My son did call and wish me Happy Mother's Day and that made me feel better - the sun does come out for me - though I am still suffering from depression, though I am getting better due to prayer, will power, therapy, meds and Beliefnet. This site is good for me.

kjaggi

05/10/2004 03:22:27 PM

continued from below (3 messages down) ...... I was always impressed and excited with the message I got for the day. I would figure out how it applied to my life and be healed in that area. It's very difficult to live with those suffering from depression; you tend to feel emotionally abandoned. Those who don't contact you really don’t want to because it drags them down emotionally to “deal” with you... Heal yourself and live your life so richly filled with new found joy that those who love you will want to return and send you that Mother's Day card. Let them back in with open arms when you see them trying...move on when they don't. It's your precious life to live to its fullest. Ask for Healing, recognize areas where you need to forgive, Let go of past and present grievances and be well. Blessings. --KJ

kjaggi

05/10/2004 03:20:07 PM

I stopped feeling depression because I had small children and truly wanted to stop. I prayed to God for help and he sent me a dental hygienist with the psychic gift of reading emotions. She read my heart and validated my feelings. She said it was important to figure out where the hurt and anger were coming from, recognize it and work past it through forgiveness. I did daily personal therapy using a book called The Language of Letting Go - by Melody Beattie, I would say a prayer and ask for what I needed to know right now in order to heal then open the book and read a page. continued.....

kjaggi

05/10/2004 03:19:33 PM

To Clouds47 - Depression is like wearing a heavy invisible shroud over your head. It can feel so "heavy" that you can't get up from your chair. You can't hear what's being said and feel interfered with when someone so much as coughs near you let alone makes demands such as children always do. The sadness and grief in your heart feels like a bottomless pit. You feel small, worthless. continued.....

Clouds47

05/09/2004 03:03:26 PM

I tried to be a good mother to my son, I was not verbally or psychologically abusive - like my parents were to me, however I was neglectful due to my depression and we lacked middle class amenities. So my son...he is neglectful? about sending Mom's Day cards or depressed? or its his way of saying...whatever?? It seems my parents could have been better parents because they were middle class, strong, and had plenty of friends, whereas I was weak and depressed. I guess we all do the best we can?? I find it hard to believe my parents did the best with me

Clouds47

05/09/2004 02:59:47 PM

Part 2 - So to make a long story short - I have suffered from depression and repression - I function okay - but in jobs I don't really like and in relationships I don't really like - or insecure and abusive relationships or no relationships!! Right now I am not working and I am in individual and group therapy. So my parents are deceased - my brothers are distant and polite and my sister tells me to get a life!!

Clouds47

05/09/2004 02:57:06 PM

Hi everyone - Happy Mother's Day!! I read the story "Growing Strawberries Again" - what a beautiful story - sad & sweet. I have read the posts - most of which are from 1-2 years ago. I was feeling sad this Mom's Day - my 29 yr old son didn't send me a card - he lives out of town. I always sent my Mom a card - sometimes even flowers when I lived out of town, and when I moved back to town, we (siblings, kids, My Dad (who was divorced from my Mom) would all take my Mom out to lunch somewhere and have a festive time. Although - since childhood I have been struggling with depression and not really knowing who I am. I was the oldest child and was always told to "do without and act right" when I asked for things - clothes, things for hobbies. Of course I got some things - clothes & hobbies, but not nearly as much as my peer group in the middle class suburb I grew up in. I was always told to stop whining when I tried to complain.

originalpatricia

05/07/2004 05:15:53 AM

I am so sorry, I posted on the wrong page, this bit is for MOMS only, if your wee girl says "I hate Uncle X or Aunty Y" you must find out why this should be, and believe them, better for a quarrel with an adult than you child to be damaged, I was smacked for telling lies when I was not doing so, dont do that, Moms believe your kids and they will trust you, be your child's buddy

originalpatricia

05/07/2004 04:52:55 AM

sorry for all this post, but I keep having to leave off, I have read the other posts, with absorbed interest, you have all suffered but honestly there is someone for everyone, do not stop looking all of you for your "special someone" they are "OUT THERE" go find them. I found my someone and He taught me to look at the skills I had and rejoice in them. I wish I could have your views, is jealousy and hatred of YOUR excellence often the motivation for the cruelty meted out to you. I believe this is true, but belief is not knowing, please help

originalpatricia

05/07/2004 04:47:15 AM

sorry, I had to go away awhile, it took a kind and understanding man to love me and teach me that I had rights, human rights. We had a wonderful life together, his presence is not with me NOW but here in spirit. I learned to respect the "Child within" through the tenderness of this man. Recently I was offered membership of Mensa, and am very suddenly aware of a possibility, did these people recognise some sort of excellence in me, did they resent me for it well at my age my childhood tormentors are mostly dead now, and the memories arwe starting to fade JUST

originalpatricia

05/07/2004 04:41:19 AM

I am still trying to come to terms with my childhood. I grew up with the quaint notion that I was there only for other people's amusement, to be obliged to "shut my trap" when bullied by step-cousins, to be quiet, and let my stepfather reach out and touch me, not to "tell Lies" about my Mother's lodger, well lying - I was not bullied at school and frequently later at work. My self esteem was at rock bottom, I immersed myself in my studies worked hard to make me parents just for a while to LIKE me, not love me for I was not worthy

AMHardulak

05/06/2004 08:31:57 AM

Thank you, Smdm726-- "I will not live an unlived life" will be cut and pasted onto my computer (where I create . . .) Bless you!

maggie4bes

05/10/2003 12:27:05 AM

I am 47 years old and have Clinical Depression,the type caused by the seretonin imbalance in the brain. It can be controled by medications, but not cured. My life is a balance between stimulants and antidepressants. I remember what I was like 10 yrs ago before the illness set in and cry. The person I was is gone and I have had to adjust to the person I am. Sometimes it is all I can do to keep myself together, let alone help my son. I worry about the effect my illness is going to have on him. You may have had a rough childhood, but your mothers would have rather been there for you than lost in their own world.

Marianah

05/09/2003 05:02:13 PM

Whoops.. didn't realize that the discussion happened last year.. We in Finland have the mother's day this weekend.

Marianah

05/09/2003 04:57:43 PM

(continue.. 4) They call me every weekend and we talk on the phones. I've tried to forgive them, but it's just so hard. I've tried psychologists, I've tried talking to my loved ones and my parents.. What else can I do? Every mothers/fathersday I feel like garbage. Why can't I love my parents unconditionally? Is there something wrong with me? Am I ungrateful? I still haven't figured out the answer. (p.s that group sounded very nice, I think I might join that too.) p.p.s Sorry for the long post.. :-)

Marianah

05/09/2003 04:56:40 PM

(continued..3) When I moved out of the house at 18, my parents called me to the school where I lived and called me stupid and idiot on the phone because I didn't do everything like they would have wanted me to do. When I moved finally on my own to Helsinki (our capital city) they tried to destroy that plan. My father said I was incompetent to move and they started a fight with the man who rent me his mother's (who was institutionalized) appartement. And I didn't know what to do, because they payed my rent because I couldn't afford to pay it. I'm still financially dependent on them because I'm in polytechnic and quite poor.

Marianah

05/09/2003 04:56:12 PM

(continued..2) I've tried to survive from all the things that have happened and discuss what has happened with her, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She has big memory gaps and says that she cannot remember anything I say. My father blames me (!) from feeling suicidal when they wouldn't notice that I had troubles in school and spent my days alone in our home with only one friend and all of my other school mates teasing me every day (they were like I didn't exist at all or told me how ugly and disgusting I was). And my brother says he had a wonderful childhood.. I feel like nobody believes me. I've been to psychologists, but all of them have said to me that they don't believe what I've told them.

Marianah

05/09/2003 04:55:41 PM

(continued.. 1) I was very artistic and hoped to become a singer, but they never put me to singing lessons or dancing lessons even though I loved dancing and danced all the time (and we were rich). In elementary school I wrote a whole hour and a half-long musical and prepared the choreography. I arrenged the place we would present it, got tickets and recruited my schoolmates to play in it. When I told about this to my parents.. they laughed and said that I would not going to make it. Well, I didn't. I hope they were happy.

Marianah

05/09/2003 04:54:42 PM

I'm so glad to found all of you and this wonderful story. :-) I had a very terrible childhood, my father was a weekend alcoholist who had his friends over and used to abuse my mom and verbally some of his drinking buddies, my brother used to hit me and sometimes strangled me.. and my mother.. she tried to kill me, my father and my brother several times. But mostly the attacks where made against me. I still feel that there was something very wrong with me, why else would she have targeted me and not my twin brother? My father slapped me once and yelled at me every day because I was lousy in school those days (especially in math) because I was born prematurely and the doctors said I should have waited at least another year before they would put me to school.

pashio

05/09/2003 04:16:06 PM

I too have a mother who when I was growing up was depressed and suicidal, and now that her mother is gone, who was in a lot of ways more of a mother then my real mom, she and I have become a lot closer. I can relate to this to story in a lot of ways and am glad beliefnet puts this stuff on the net...

atlantis_crystal

04/11/2003 05:30:00 AM

Personally I am having problems with my parents as well and I have not been home for three weeks already. I find it hard to forgive my parents for the hurt that they have caused by all the verbal abuses that they have hurled upon me. Its not easy, but like all who chanced upon this site, reading through all the posts I am relieved to find out that I am not alone. And knowing that so many other people are in their own ways trying to overcome this issue, is in itself a healing experience. In an odd sense of way, although I do not know who all of you are, I find strength and support from all these posts to go face my own difficulties. Thank you all who have shared here.

sadtohia

03/06/2003 07:08:02 AM

Hello it's so nice to see all the comments on this wedsite, reading livingeachday's comments, she is so rite, no one is perfect, no matter what our mother's make mistakes they are still our mom's. That is the bond no one can take it away from us, my mother raised me and my 2 brothers for a long time, i didn't even see my father, and i've seen the way she raised us, i cried when i think about it, now im 36 yrs, my mum is 63 she's living with me, and this time im going to give everything i got to look after like what she did to me like others said its pay back time, give all our strength and our time to support her. And i love her so dearly...

livingeachday

12/16/2002 09:19:32 AM

I'm a mom now too, like many of you who have posted here. And I've learned one thing on my journey to adulthood. No one is perfect. Your mom and my mom are human, just like everyone else. Growing up, I believed my mom was the sun and the moon and that she could do no wrong. And while she never abused me, exactly, she did make some very bad decisions for me, putting my health - my life - in danger. To this day she doesn't see it that way...but I know the facts. All I can say is that learning to accept my mother as a human being with faults wasn't easy. But it's made life easier for me. I don't blame myself anymore. I've learned to accept my childhood for what it was and I'm grateful I came out of it relatively "normal". AND, I learned many ways how NOT to be a mother to my kids! I'm a better mom than my mother was. And it's because of her. I love my mom and all her faults.

fyredrago

12/16/2002 02:19:37 AM

My mom's bi-polar & for the last 5-yrs all we've had in this house are fights, fights & more fights between mom & dad.. I'm only 18 by 2 months now & I've had two surgeries that were caused by this. Dad finally started the divorce papers since he knew I wasn't gonna last much longer & neither was he. Mom wouldn't take her medicines & has a past alcoholic history & had begun to drink regularly again. Then, she'd get in the car & drive & once she said, after about 5 secs, "opps I almost hit that car." Although I love mom with all my heart, I feel a lot safer here with dad & my brother.

poohbear_42

11/13/2002 01:10:38 PM

Another thing that I forgot to add is that I have learned to be my own parent and nurture the child within myself. That has helped me immensely. And also to adopt surrogate mothers with other older women that I can get along with better and have more compatible personalities with myself.

poohbear_42

11/13/2002 01:08:33 PM

It is a great comfort to know that I am not alone in having a difficult time overcoming negative feelings toward my mother and always worrying about how to deal with the next mother's day year after year. Your thoughts and ideas have been very helpful to me. Thanks.

stephb98

11/13/2002 02:31:38 AM

To SMDM726, I am writing to tell you that my mother also ignores me and 'forgets' to include me in family events. I have confronted her but she refuses to talk about it. Her behavior is no less than a passive form of abuse. It is embarassing to explain to friends that I have no relationship with this woman. Maybe you can confront your mom about it, but don't expect to resolve it. Just remember it is NOT your fault, even if she tries to pin the blame on you.

sparlinsmile1

11/02/2002 01:56:08 AM

Sabrinascott: I agree with what you have posted. I am struggling with it and so is my husband. I would be so grateful, if you could pls pray for us. We are both working as we have the only for our daily provisions. Once of work, small things gets on our nerves. We think of something blessed for children {2 girls, 8yr and 4yrs} but end.. screaming always. i dont want a night mare of my girls. I want spl relation , we want to be good parents. We hardly take them out, due to financial restrains and time and no vehicle. Pls advice.. Thank you

SabrinaScott

07/20/2002 03:57:59 AM

I believe that HOME is the foundation where the building of a child's character from birth is supposed to be built. I grew up in a very dysfunctional "home" with a verbally abusive "Mother", and a physically abusive "Father", with two older sisters, and two younger sisters. We weren't allowed to show love, hugs, kisses. To CRY or discuss problems was a no-no. Unity was a no-no. I am a 38 year old single mom of a beautiful 9 year old girl, and those family issues are now getting in her way and mine. My daughter and I hug, kiss and say I love you and talk openly about any issues. I believe no matter how your life is, love, nurture and talk to your children.

texas_wildflower

06/10/2002 02:53:52 PM

I am absolutely inspired by smdm726's post - I have printed it and posted it and vow to re-read it when I start to doubt my parenting or when I wonder if I might unwittingly "become" my mother. I, too, raise my daughter with respect and unconditional love. We do not hit, yell, or verbally abuse, and hugs are plentiful. And when I am sad and she immediately comes to me with arms open and sweet kisses, and she says in her small 2-year old voice, "Mommy, can I help?", I know I'm doing the job my mother wasn't equipped to do. I'm doing it so well because of and in spite of my own mother. And I will embrace the good job I am doing. Thank you, smdm726, for reminding us that sometimes breaking the cycle is our gift to our children.

noahswife

05/30/2002 02:08:50 AM

I needed inspiration, I clicked 'What if Your Mother is Not Perfect', I read Growing Strawberries Again. I felt ashamed of the fact I cannot forgive my mother for the cruelity and abuse I suffered as a child and still do as an adult. She came to visit - before mother's day. Her obscessive/compulsive disorder was worse than ever. She stirred the pot in circles until I thought I would scream. She scrubbed and put food into containers, never finding the exact bowl for to fit the food exactly. She yelled at me in my kitchen "to get out and go away". I retreated to the other room and cried. She is 71, she will not get better or change and I am afraid she will die and we will have never resolved our problems. She left without looking at me and without kind words. I find comfort here in Beliefnet - I still hold out hope that somehow we can work through this. I know my mother is not perfect - that is not the problem - the problem is she seems not to be able to accept anything less than perfect in her daughter.

abandonana

05/23/2002 03:08:34 AM

WOW! I KNOW THAT IT IS NO LONGER MOTHERS DAY BUT I DIDN'T SEE THIS UNTIL NOW. IT IS SO COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE OUT THERE AND THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO AREN'T AS JOYOUS ABOUT MOTHERS DAY AS WE ARE TOLD WE SHOULD BE. MY MOTHER AND I SCARCELY TALK. SHE WAS ABUSIVE PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY AND WHEN I WAS 15, SHE DECIDED THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT ME ALL TOGETHER. MOTHERS DAY IS A SAD DAY FOR ME BECAUSE I WANT A MOTHER AND THE ONE THAT HAD ME DOESN'T WANT ME. I FELT TERRIBLE FOR FEELING THIS WAY ABOUT A DAY THAT HAD BEEN SET ASIDE TO REJOICE SUCH WONDERFUL WOMAN BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT I AM NOT ALONE.

smdm726

05/13/2002 06:55:49 PM

I notice that there are an awful lot of intelligent, competent and decent women on this thread. Perhaps, in some weird way, our mothers had some hand in it... I know this is going to sound cruel, but I really do think I have more going for me than my mother does. I handle conflict better than she does and I am open to other people not seeing things my way. I have always treated my children with the respect and love I wanted shown to me -- even when they were very little. And they have reciprocated in every way. I have a wonderful relationship with my children BECAUSE and IN SPITE OF the relationship I had with my mother. ...I guess she HAS taught me something...maybe I should just pass it along instead of worrying about what may never be with her.

mbwalz

05/13/2002 11:32:25 AM

I also had a mother who suffered from something-I think she was bi/polar. I was adopted from an abusive home and ended up in this one. Go figure! But, with age, 8 years of wonderful councelling and a very patient husband, I was able to forgive my mother everything. I realized that she suffered in her mind and heart. Her inner child just needed a mother (hers had been abusive and bi/polar). In some strange way, I think I was that person for her. She died unexpectedly when I was 6 weeks pregnant and my daughter has her blue eyes and blond hair (remember, I was adopted). I sometimes wonder if it's her, back to have someone love her the way she deserved. I still get angry at her and argue with her in my mind (what's THAT all about!), but mostly I feel love for her. It took a long time to get to that place. When she died, like a huge burden had been relieved! So, now on mother's day I celebrate my wonderful children that made me a mother and I smile thinking of the good times with my mother. I miss her!

smdm726

05/13/2002 12:18:34 AM

DonaQuixote: Went to the BPD Central website as well as the DSM (found it!). A thousand thank yous! See you in group!!!!

smdm726

05/12/2002 08:56:09 PM

Thank you! I'm on it...except... whats the DSM? I'm thoroughly interested!

DonaQuixote

05/12/2002 06:16:20 PM

I'm all signed up! :) The DSM describes splitting like this: "A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation." In my experience, this often turns into the person in question having one person be the "good one" and the other the "bad one," and sometimes even playing them off against one another. Happens with me and my brother all the time. This may not be what is happening with you exactly, but you might find the coping skills involved in dealing with it helpful anyway. Might be worth a look-up.

smdm726

05/12/2002 05:30:44 PM

For all those interested (Dona!) I enrolled in a Diaglogue group under Spirituality - "Overcoming Inadequate Parenting". Let's talk!!!

smdm726

05/12/2002 05:23:35 PM

DonaQuixote: I've not heard of that. Is it a symptom of Borderline personality disorder? I will certainly look into it!!! By the way: I'm going right to start a Dialogue Group under "Spirituality" since it is certainly a detriment to one's journey, wouldn't you say? I'm on my way.....

DonaQuixote

05/12/2002 03:51:58 PM

BTW, I meant it sounds like your mother is splitting, not you! :)

DonaQuixote

05/12/2002 03:51:31 PM

smdm, what you describe about your mother and you siblings sounds like splitting to me. Have you ever looked in to stuff about Borderline Personality Disorder? Childhood Survivors Day! LOL! What a great idea.

DonaQuixote

05/12/2002 03:47:18 PM

Mymoondance and MaggieMAria: Happy Mother's Day! I celebrate you for your courage. I agree with what smdm said -- having the problem isn't wrong. Not doing anything about it or being willing to face it is wrong. The two of you give me hope for my own shattered relationship.

DonaQuixote

05/12/2002 03:45:39 PM

smdm, I was going to suggest that too! I'm all for it. Please whoever starts it post here and let us know so we can join. (If no one else does, I will) All of my love and support to all of you, mothers and daughters who have been touched by the pain of mental illness and abuse, on this difficult day.

smdm726

05/12/2002 12:42:26 PM

Mymoondance and MaggieMaria: I want to thank you both for being great moms. The wrong is not in the action, the wrong is in the inability to change or acknowledge it. You both have done that. Love to you on Mother's Day.

smdm726

05/12/2002 12:38:54 PM

I think we should start a dialogue group -- what do you guys think?

smdm726

05/12/2002 12:37:15 PM

HAPPY CHILDHOOD SURVIVORS' DAY EVERYONE!!!!

justred420

05/12/2002 12:35:19 PM

I had an abusive mom, physical and verbal. I know she was under alot of strain. She has blocked those things from her mind. She does not remember them. I have gone through counseling to help me deal with this. My close friend had such a wonderful relationship with her mom. They were best friends. She shared so much with her. I envied her all the time. She lost her mom a few years ago. Mothers Day is so hard for her. She tries to get me to build some sort of relationship with my mom before she is gone, but it is strained & limited. I am trying. But I am so glad to know that I am not the only one that is so torn on this day. My heart aches so much to want to open to this woman, and yet know that I will be hurt if I expose too much. Thank you for sharing this story. I am trying to heal, and keep a good relationship with my daughters. My prayers go out to everyone on this day which should be so special to all. Much love and prayers for strength, patience, and forgiveness.

smdm726

05/12/2002 12:35:19 PM

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing. A torch, a promise; I choose to risk my significance; To live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom; and that which came to be as blossom, goes on as fruit".

smdm726

05/12/2002 12:33:11 PM

Hey girls! I did something different this year with the Mother's day card...I decided on one that told her how I felt about MYSELF instead of how I felt about HER. I found it in a New Age bookstore under the "Blank" card section...get ready to write this down! (contd)

FuzzyMom

05/12/2002 11:55:10 AM

This is so refreshing to hear. I thought I was the only one who picked cards this way. You should see the looks I get, but I just can't give her a card that speaks a lie. I'm still so angry with my mom, and I still feel so guilty about it, making me angry with myself. And...I love my mom. It's a viscious circle at times. So, Here's to us all, and our mother's too, For her gift of life, and our "unusual " views, For the comforts received from heaven above, And the Lord's always forgiving, unconditional love. God Bless you all.

DonaQuixote

05/12/2002 02:59:50 AM

Oh God, it feels so good to know I'm not alone. My mother is mentally ill, with depression and (possibly) borderline personality disorder. She has been emotionally abusive for most of my life. She has gotten far worse since my father passed away a year and a half ago. This Mother's Day, I am completely out of patience and energy and am frankly reluctant to give her yet another sign of my love for her. I've been feeling so guilty. She told me the other day that she was a) too busy to do anything on Mother's Day and b) would be terribly depressed if she didn't do anything on Mother's Day. I'm in yet another double bind. It's the story of my life. I have decided to do nothing but a phone call, because she needs to learn that these double binds do not get her what she wants. But it is hard to do that when everyone else is celebrating. I dread the sermon at church tomorrow. I still don't know what to do tomorrow, but it helps to know I'm not alone.

PopDivaof2009

05/12/2002 02:10:48 AM

I wouldn't qualify as someone who is abused. My mother yells at me all the time, constantly asking "Whats wrong with you?!?!?!". I hate mother's day she is so materialistic that every holiday she gets extremely bratty and demands a gift. She treats me like crap and expects me to have total respect for her...I dunno, just kinda fed up with it. How do I deal with all holidays, especially mothers day. I can't wait until its over!

Violin27

05/12/2002 01:42:57 AM

I'm thinking now of someone dear to me. He recently estranged himself from his mother, because she was emotionally abusive to him and those he loves. Having been abused by my father, I understand where he's coming from, and don't blame my friend for his choice. At the same time, I can't help but feel pity for his mother, who may be a victim of depression herself. I hope she seeks treatment for her disease, if that is what's caused her to treat this dear man so disrespectfully. I hope and pray that my friend can find it in his heart to work toward a reconciliation...provided she is also willing to try. How fortunate I am, that my father was brave enough to face his demons and put them to rest before he passed away. Reading the messages posted here, I feel so lucky to have a mother and loving children I can feel close to today. I pray that those of you who are suffering will soon find your relationships mended. ~hugs to all~

amygirl990

05/11/2002 07:05:59 PM

First of all thank you GOD, that I found this. I have been so very depressed with Mother's Day here I am every year. I cannot find the right card either they don't make cards that say thanks mom for not being a mom. I too have been severely depressed and I still have moments when I am overcome by it. I keep thinking what is wrong with me? It is hard to cope and to deal with. God bless you ladies and know that your not alone in the way you feel, it just seems that way. I'll be glad when mothers day is over with. Is it just me or is it harder for daughters? I don't hate my mom, but I don't think I love her either. I think we just tolerate each other. Reading your posts I feel better, I don't feel so alone in this. I am thankful that you had the courage to write and tell your story even though it was painful for you. Know that it wasn't in vain, it helped me a great deal, I like the rest of you am doing the best that I can. Know that your all in my thoughts and my prayers. God bless.

smdm726

05/11/2002 03:22:05 PM

Maggiemaria: I have posted my plight on a number of other threads, looking for someone to offer advice, or at least, respond to me -- and no one has (adding to my list of reasons I MUST be insignificant) UNTIL YOU. Even with your depression, you have been able to see through it to help me. Your simple acknowlegement has made an enormous impact on me. I read your words about praying for my heart to soften...and I could feel it happen as I read. THANK YOU! Forgiveness is something I never even considered with my mom because I am not angry -- just confused and disheartened. I KNOW she loves me...I just don't think she LIKES me, and I can't figure out why. I will pray for you and your children as well. Again, thank you!

SilverWinterMoon

05/11/2002 11:48:00 AM

I have such a complex relationship with my mother. In some ways, we get along. But lately, I've felt like her hobbies and that group of friends are more important to her than me. My siblings say the same thing--she's too busy for us now. I don't know if this is an improvement over her depression she's denied for years or just another manifestation. And then there's the disapproval over some of my choices and the guilt trips. I might be an adult, but it still hurts. I, too, had a hard time picking out a card. All those "You're the Greatest MOM!" cards make me feel as if I'm missing something. If I got one of those, I'd feel like a liar. But I can't not get a card for her. Now that I'm expecting my first baby (a daughter), I hope and pray that I won't let my tendency towards depression ruin our relationship.

maggiemaria

05/11/2002 11:44:22 AM

I am a mother with depression. I live with it every day. My children have to deal with it also. It's a disease, just like any other. It cripples the mind and numbs the heart. Sometimes we do or say things we really don't mean. It isn't us..it's the disease. smdm, I pray that you will learn to see your mother as a precious woman, who does love ALL her children, but who is weakened and malformed because of some emotional illness.Maybe she doesn't have depression, but still, there is dis-ease within her. Remember that you are a "precious" child..You are precious!!!! You are cherished!! Perhaps not by someone who gave birth to you, but by the mother of our Lord and Saviour. You are loved and cherished more than can ever be conceived. I pray that your painful heart may be softened...and that you'll be able to forgive your mother for her transgressions. Give all your bitterness and hurt to God, honey. He will touch your heart with His love. God Bless You.

smdm726

05/11/2002 10:19:58 AM

(contd) She doesn't treat my brother or sister this way. In fact, one time my sister and I went to see her at a function she was holding and at some point my sister had wandered away. My mother came up to me and asked me where "her daughter was". When I replied "Right in front of you, mom", she got angry and walked away. I am having a very difficult time even being around her anymore. I'm forty-four years old and very aware that what hurts, you just walk away from -- but she's my mother, she is all I have to identify with. It is painful to see how much I apparently disappoint her.

smdm726

05/11/2002 10:11:25 AM

How do you celebrate Mother's day when your mother isn't depressed, she just ignores you? Maybe "overlooks" would be a better word. I have been left out of family functions (my mother THOUGHT she told me about it), I wasn't told when my grandmother had a heart attack and was in the hospital (my mother figured my sister would call me) and when I ended up in the emergency room with a ruptured ovarian cyst, my mother sent my father to "check on me" because she had to get to a certain garage sale before some brass lamps got sold. Incidentally, I had called her that morning to come and take me to the hospital because I couldn't drive myself due to the pain...she never made it and I had to call EMS.

Debegee

05/11/2002 08:26:09 AM

It is amazing how this came to me at the most perfect time....I also deal with a mother with depression...obstinate and difficult most of the time....but this helped me to cope with it a bit more...thankyou for a very inspiring letter.I too always find it difficult to find just the right Mother's day card...it all seems so fake....but at least she is still here and maybe your letter will help me to cope even more..

mymoondance

05/11/2002 07:41:01 AM

I know too well the depression of a mother,but happily, mine has a somewhat happier ending. I am still here, and my kids (I hope) have forgiven my "monster mommy"time. I hope that 'the strawberry time' has come again for us. Thank you for the beautifully written story of a child overcoming a parent's depression.

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