Coping With Loss on Mother's Day

15 ways to get through a difficult day, from Beliefnet readers.

Tiger42

05/13/2012 04:03:26 PM

My Mother passed April 9th 2011 one day sort of a month before Mother's day due to a long illness of COPD and eventually lung cancer. I found out about the lung cancer on April 1 st. that same year and 8 day's later she was gone. At first I was in shock of the news being that the COPD was hard to manage but we were doing ok mostly but since the cancer was so far advanced so quick when I found out that the news of only weeks not months was devastating. When the hopice Dr. came to our house to do her assesment she only gave 3 days. It was all a blurr and hard to imagine much less to beleive despite the recent frequent trips to the hospital. It's now been one year and a month and I feel tihs Mother's day is harder. I was on auto pilot last Mother's day. For the ones who have lost their Moms , they know what I mean. My mother had two sons me and my older brother and a adopted sister which I was very close to as well and she died iin 2000 But I was her baby and she definately made it known to everyone. Our bond was like no other I witness other than reading other comments. I miss her soo bad. I came across this site today in hopes for some comfort and thougth I would share my story. My Mother was my best friend , my rock, and my #1 gal. I'm gay so the thought of woman being above her in my eyes will never happen. I've greived mostly every single night. Lite a candle play music and looked a pictures till I thought I couldn't cry anymore. I've gotten better throught the help of my grief counselor but today Mother's day 2012 is one of those days and going forward i'm sure where i'll forever feel a huge part of me is gone w/ her. So the only woman in my life is my neice who i particailly raised. I'm blessed to have that much but I still wish for my Mother escpecailly and sister to be with now. So I continue to greive, work, cry and pray each day. Thats all I know how to do at this time.

NicoleGL

05/06/2011 07:24:22 PM

We are blessed to have a 7 year old daughter - but have continued to miscarry 4 times since her birth. We have tried umpteen attempts at IVF and each time concieve and have lost the children anywhere from 7 - 12 weeks. Each Mothers Day, I remember how blessed I am to have my precious daughter, and my wonderful husband buy 4 small gifts such as 4 flowers or 4 chocolates in memory of our precious 'Angel babies'. This helps to keep their memory alive for us - and we know that on that glorious day ini Heaven when we meet again, there will be no sadness, only love!

Henrietta22

05/14/2006 05:32:30 PM

We've lost both our children, one in 1972, and one in 1988. I've always celebrated Mother's Day as a celebration of their lives, I had the joy of sharing, for the years that they lived on earth. I did the same when my mother died suddenly when I was ten yrs. old. It works for me, along with my faith in God.

BillThinks4Himself

05/13/2006 11:02:08 PM

My mother would have wanted me to be happy. So, at the risk of seeming narcissistic, I periodically stop and ask myself whether I'm taking advantage of the gift she gave me. Her death is a reminder that life can stop at any time.

Flamekeeper

05/13/2006 03:27:14 PM

My mother died one month ago from a long drawn out period of aging, strokes, dementia, all of that and more, and I was her 24/7 caregiver for years. She had a stroke and couldn't eat, talk, was paralyzed and she died at home in less then 2 days. And though she was in bad shape for a long time, I miss her terribly. I am 55, never married, no children, but do have people that care about me, and that is the only thing keeping me going. It is my first Mothers Day without her and I really am feeling it, very sad, blue, empty, we were close all my life, never left home and an only child, and I am not in good health either. So, I joined the list of people mourning parents, and hope that might help. My Dad died a month after my mom had her first stroke Nov. 2000. This is a terrible period, but I know she is better off, but I am really going through it. I am glad that they had an article like this, for people suffering loss. And I am truly suffering.

turnover

05/13/2006 01:00:52 PM

Don't allow yourself to get caught up in the mother's day (or any other ***day's) hype!

bajacalla

05/13/2006 01:07:46 AM

the article covered many types of painful Mother's Day categories - a mother who has passed away, mothers who have lost children, adopted children, and infertile women - but neglected to include stepmothers. all too often, stepmothers are overlooked by their stepchildren on this day, in favor of, and exclusively for, birth mothers, in spite of the fact that many stepmothers share the mothering role. there are few cards available, and even fewer children take the time to say "thank you" to a woman who chose to take on what is often a thankless responsibility. being a mother isn't only giving birth - it is also giving nurturance and guidance to a child, whether it is a biological child or not.

Merlock

05/12/2006 09:38:33 PM

Similarly to the idea of visiting nursing homes, perhaps those with no children, or those who are passed, can spend Mother's Day with children to celebrate---nieces and nephews, special needs, those without mothers, etc.; or watch someone's kids at night while the person is with their mother. I'll post any more ideas I have. God bless!

Merlock

05/12/2006 09:13:00 PM

Beautiful Dreamer---that will help, in a way, but eventually, those feelings will probably come out---it's best not to bury them to much, though yes, of course, you need to attend to life and not wallow in death. On the "e-mail Heaven" thing---there's an old Jewish legend that if you put a letter into the Western Wall in Jerusalem, it's message is instantly sent to God. I often e-mail God---at westernwall.com (can you believe that?!) Although the legend doesn't address it, I suppose you can try that to contact a loved one---even if it's delivered to the wrong address, God'll probably pass it on to the right person. :-) God bless!

Beautiful_Dreamer

05/11/2006 04:48:46 PM

focus on something else-your spouse's mother, kids, work, anything other than the fact that your mother isnt around.

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