When your husband was deployed, you adopted multiple roles – roles that used to be divided between “his” and “hers.” Your role designations may have been flawed even before deployment, but they are surely uneven now since he’s come back with Combat Trauma. Not only are you possibly working a full or part-time job, you may also be a mother, responsible for every detail in your children’s lives. But now that your husband is back and trying to cope with his combat experiences, it may sometimes feel like you have inherited another child.

There are two reasons why you should take the time to redefine, clarify and delegate some of your roles and responsibilities: (1) to avoid your early demise and (2) as a positive way of involving your husband in his own healing.

Chore Inventory: On a separate sheet of paper – preferably with your husband – write a list of all household chores and responsibilities. List everything, no matter how small or insignificant you might think it could be. At the top of the left column write “Now” and write either your initial or your husband’s initial next to each chore designating who is currently in charge of it. In the right column, head it with the word “Ideal” and put the initial of the person who should ideally be taking care of each chore.

A non-role: Don’t take the role of his “fixer.” You must constantly remind yourself that God is his healer and you are not! If you try to assume a role that you are not equipped for, you’ll only frustrate yourself and annoy your husband – or worse, slow down his recovery.