Make it clear to your kids that you want them to share with you what’s going on inside them and what they are feeling about how their father is acting or how it’s affecting their relationships with their siblings. And then listen to them without judging them or becoming defensive about your husband. Don’t minimize their concerns, but respond with warmth, love, empathy and reassurance. Help them to know that you’re on their team, and be appreciative and affirming whenever they open up to you.

·         What should I tell them: That will depend on how mature each child is. You can walk him or her through it and stop from time to time to ask and answer questions. Younger children might need to approach the subject on a more basic level. Help the child to understand that this is a common reaction to really bad experiences. It happens to many other men besides their daddy. Compare how Dad feels with how the child felt when they experienced an awful experience in the past. Talk about some of Dad’s symptoms, and what a “symptom” is, speaking about it like a symptom of a cold. Remind the child that the family is not responsible for Dad’s anger and they can’t fix it.

·         Talk about feelings: Any kind of conflict – war or family arguments – will draw emotions to the surface. If they are not acknowledged and dealt with, they’ll get suppressed and will show up later, incubated and much worse than they started out. You should never force your child to talk about his or her feelings. If they get upset when you try to get them to open up, let it drop for now, and look for a more opportune time later. Make some casual reference to your own worries or frustrations because it helps him realize that you are a real person who can cry as well as laugh, and it models an appropriate way to release feelings – talk about them.

·         Physical contact: Look for opportunities to comfort and reassure your children through physical touch. Younger children should be hugged, cradled and kissed as often as practical to communicate your love and affirmation. They need it and will almost always respond positively to it when they feel stressed about things. But older children and teens also need physical contact – whether they’ll admit it or not! However timing is everything with teens. But look for ways to touch them that lets them know that you love them and are looking for ways to “stay in contact” with them.