Dumb Dating Habits Even Smart People Do

What not to do

Feeling Sorry for Yourself. Having a bad day and wallowing in self-pity are two very different things. Whether you’re feeling sorry for yourself to get attention from others or if it’s because you aren’t in a relationship, the result is the same. It sets you up for the habit of self-pity, which is lame. Break out of that self-pity habit! Try new things. Get involved in something you haven’t done before. Write a book with a really long title, i.e. me. Embrace being single and figuring out who you are while encouraging other people to have their own lives. Spend time pursuing the opportunities you do have, not just with talking about what you wish you had. Oddly enough, this makes you more attractive!

What not to do

Becoming an Island. John Donne, a famous poet, once wrote: “No man is an island.” This is true; we are all very much connected – or at least we should be. While it’s good to figure out who you are as a person, it’s not good to just get stuck on yourself. We humans can become pretty self-absorbed, which isn’t good for relationships and isn’t a very healthy please to be in general. Most people are extremely turned off by selfish people, anyways. If you’re currently alone on your island, start sharing it with people. You’ll find that a lot of people have been waiting for someone to build a bridge over to their island, and they’d gladly do the same back. They just need someone to do it first. Personally, I’d rather live on an island chain with a lot of people. There’s always gonna be a beach bonfire at some point. And who knows, maybe s’mores. Be an optimist.

What not to do

Becoming Too Selfless. Being too selfless is like being selfish, but in reverse. Some people lose themselves in trying to care for and love other people. While considering other people is vital, losing yourself, your dignity and your ability to draw boundaries can be harmful. Relationships always have a give and a get to them – make sure you aren’t just giving all the time. One or two things usually happens to the selfless person: the other person either ends up become less interested or starts to use you like a box of Klennex. Healthy people don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge his or her needs. A healthy dating relationship will encourage you to become your own person and focus on your needs as well as the other person’s…and be happy together.

What not to do

Thinking Every Relationship (and Date) Is “the One.” I’m not saying that God doesn’t have just one person for you. I’m talking about getting fixated on the idea of finding the “one perfect person.” You can place way too much pressure on yourself and others in search of “the one.” And you can start to get down on yourself if a relationship doesn’t work out, because you’re thinking that maybe you just blew your one chance at true love and you will now be miserable forever! Don’t do that, please. Focus on finding people you enjoy being around, who complement your interests and personality. Relationships need to be built on respect and everyday habits, not just the galactic view that you have to be constantly searching for just one single person in the universe who is right for you. When you focus on having healthy, fun relationships, that is when you will find someone wonderful to be with. That person might just end up being “the One.” Or not. And if not, because you had a healthy relationships, you’ll be better prepared when “the One” does come along.

What not to do

Being Rude (a.k.a. “Annoying”) We humans can be outspoken and confident about expressing feelings and opinions. That can be great, but it’s not always great. There is a difference between expressing yourself and being rude and insensitive. Like it or not, rude and insensitive behavior is portrayed all the time in pop culture, TV shows and celebrity interviews. Thanks to people portrayed as always getting what they want, we start to get the idea that rude behavior can get us what we want, too. The real world doesn’t work that way. Rude behavior gets you a lot less friends and a lot poorer quality of relationships. Good relationships, good friendships and just about any good anything are rooted in showing respect. Don’t be rude. Mature, happy people build others up; they don’t tear them down. That’s a good, basic building block for healthy communication so you don’t have miserable relationships. In case you wondered.