Arterburn continues:

“Anyone consuming vast quantities of something or compulsively performing some compensatory act like work or exercise is highly suspect. That date is most likely a person who needs to be in recovery rather than in a marriage. There is nothing wrong with dating or marrying an addict as long as that person has shown at least two years of consistent involvement in a recovery program and the program has helped produce some character and integrity. Another red flag is the person who avoids a substance altogether.

"For instance, I have a friend whose daughter dated a man who did not drink. But what looked virtuous turned into a nightmare after the marriage. He had just been keeping it together until the marital capture and then he went back to drinking and the marriage ended. Know the reason why someone does not drink or eat certain foods. But more than knowing what they do and why, date them long enough to truly know them, inside and out.

"The non-recovering dater has some obvious excesses showing. Don’t overlook them or think that once you are married, you just might be able to love that person into a new way of being. It just never happens that way and if you believe it does, you may want to take a look at what you are drinking.”