10 Hilarious Phrases You May Have Heard on Date Night - Before Kids vs. After Kids

Boy, do kids change things. Kids make your life wonderful and chaotic and busy and complete. But...sometimes kids complicate Valentine's Day. Here are a few examples.

So, it was just V-Day (the most romantic day of the year) hahahah ho hee hee - I'm sorry did I do that out loud? I just find it so fascinating that we were all once people with carefree lives that didn’t involve phrases like, “because I said so” or “I’m gonna count to three.”

In fact, if I said, “I’m gonna count to three,” before having kids, I was probably wearing edible lingerie and my husband had his hands over his eyes awaiting the big reveal.

If I owned edible lingerie now, my husband would probably find the box and just snack on it while grazing through the cupboard, then I'd probably join him in scarfing it down and claim I was too full to have sex.

Yep, after having kids, even the romantic gestures and date nights feel askew. Which is why I give you this:

Phrases one might have said on date night before kids VS. after kids...


Before: This sex is so hot, I may want to go at it again in an hour or two.

After: This stuff those crazy newlyweds call 'sex' is more enjoyable than I remember… I may want to go at it again in a week or two.



Before - To self: I'll probably never pass gas in front of this man. I may be hunched over in pain, but this one's worth it.

After: Honey, you may want to roll down the windows.


Before: It really turns me on when you undress me slowly

After: It really turns me on when you load the dishwasher. You get started on that, and I'll undress myself.


Before: Wait, you're showering naked and I also need to shower? What are the odds? The reservations can wait.

After: No shower, this dried popsicle juice in my hair can wait, we leave the second the sitter arrives.

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