Surviving a Red-Blue Holiday Bash

The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming! Christmas is almost here and New Year's Eve is right around the corner. According to the popular wisdom, this is a time when we all put aside our differences, political and otherwise, and extended families come together in love and harmony.

Well, not exactly. Some people just won't let it go. In too many American households this year, just beneath the refined veneer of the best dishes and silverware, some politically polarized family members will be sitting at the table, just lying in wait for a perfect moment between the turkey and the pumpkin pie to erupt and begin a political debate. So what can a person do when much-loved relatives who voted differently come from near or far to fill your house? Here are a few tips.

1. For some families it may be as easy as having a family meeting or talking on the telephone. It is possible that everyone will agree that they have had enough of political arguments, and that no family member would likely change their mind, regardless of what is said. An agreement could be reached to keep this year's holidays from becoming black and blue because of red and blue arguments.

2. Don't blame your mother-in-law for your winter blues. Realize holidays can be stressors for everyone, including yourself. Family get-togethers can be emotionally, physically, and psychologically draining. So try to get enough rest. You can do much to set a positive tone if you are feeling cheerful, your mind is clear and you are upbeat with others. And prepare yourself with prayer so that you can be a catalyst for a warm family gathering.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff. It is so easy to read negative connotations into comments that may not have been intended to upset you or others. Don't panic at the first political remark. Chances are that if you let it go, other family members will too.

4. Resolve not to overreact. Stephen R. Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, points out that people establish behavioral habits in their youth. They have learned that when they act in a certain way they will usually get a predictable response. So when a family member begins what usually leads to an argument, don't give him the feedback he expects. "Without the feedback the behavioral habit becomes fruitless," Covey observes. And often the discussion will just come to an end.

5. But if Uncle Joe is determined to lead a family civil war by pitting reds against blues, try outwitting him. Keep in mind that Uncle Joe can probably outgun you if you argue politics. Quiet diplomacy is usually best, like changing the subject. "Be careful not to do it without letting the other person finish what he was trying to say," Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies, warns, "or you risk being labeled the one who barely listens." Asking a question is usually effective - other uncomfortable family members will probably jump at the chance to talk about something else.

Try, "Uncle Joe, your point is well taken. But today is for family. Mary, tell us about your vacation last month." Uncle Joe may not give up easily, so fill your arsenal with personal questions to keep various family members talking about themselves rather than politics. Ask Jane about her hobby, Charles about his soccer team, Will about his work. People love talking about themselves and will be thankful you gave them a chance. Ask leading questions, and be ready with follow up questions if necessary to keep the conversation flowing. And don't forget Uncle Joe. He may enjoy sharing about other things than politics.

6. Enlist a co-conspirator or maybe two or three. Other family members probably dread hearing a rehash of political arguments and watching relatives battle for the honor of their opinions as much as you do. Let them join you in changing the subject, and keeping it changed.

Continued on page 2: »