Beliefnet

My wife and I have been blessed with four lovely children. Early in my role as father, I vowed to do my utmost to help our children realize life's most precious lessons and to instill core values. I thought I was going to be their teacher. I soon learned it was I who was in training.

Since my children were born, I have practiced Zen meditation. Zen invites us to be "awake" and "present" in each moment. What better way to practice "beginner's mind" than to spend time with children? Children are not yet conditioned, lost in an array of dead concepts and ideas. I will always treasure their joyful teachings, and life's simple wonders they helped me wake up to. My life is filled with incidents where my children helped me see things differently.

More for Father's Day:

  • A Step-Dad Makes Every Day Father's Day

  • Jean Fitzpatrick on Fathers and Spirituality

  • One time, when our children were very young, we sat down to watch a family movie. I laid out a few cookies on a napkin in front of each child accompanied by a glass of milk. I indulged in a cup of tea. My cookies came directly from the bag. Partway into the movie, our daughter Amanda asked if she could have more cookies. The other children supported her advance. A couple more cookies were placed on each napkin.

    A while later, it was Jason, our oldest child, who requested more cookies. I felt they had all had enough and said no. The next time my hand dipped into the bag for another cookie, Jason looked up at me and asked, "How many cookies do you get Dad?"

    The children all looked at me awaiting my reply.

    "Hmmm," I said, "Actually I never count how many I have." I then put all the cookies in a large bowl and let everyone help themselves.

    I was not teaching by example. If it was unhealthy for them to eat too many cookies, then I too should be moderate. And if it is OK to indulge from time to time, then so be it for everyone. There are many times that incidents with my children reminded me to practice what I preach.
    One afternoon, when Jason was 8 years old, he was behaving inappropriately. I forget now what brought on the episode, but I told him his behavior was unacceptable and sent him to his room. I felt bad for getting into a shouting match with him. As Jason climbed the stairs and headed for his room, he shouted back: "You were yelling, too!"

    Jason had a bunk bed in his room and was laying on the top bunk. The bottom bunk, his brother's, was vacant. I entered his room and climbed onto the bottom bunk. Soon, Jason's face appeared aside the top bunk, looking down at me. He asked, "What are you doing in here?"

    More for Father's Day:

  • A Step-Dad Makes Every Day Father's Day

  • Jean Fitzpatrick on Fathers and Spirituality

  • "Well," I said, "you're right, son. I raised my voice too. Like you, I'm in here to collect myself and to reflect on my behavior."

    Jason's eyes widened.

    "Are you grounded too, Dad?" he asked.

    Smiling, I replied, "Well Jay, being sent to your room is not about being punished. Rather, it gives us some time away from a situation that has gotten out of control. When you think we have been in here long enough, we can go."

    Many times a child's perspective forced me to look at my actions and reflect on my own behavior. When I think of the many ways children helped me see things differently, one Saturday in particular comes to mind.

    Early one Saturday, the two youngest boys and I decided to hike some trails in the country. My daughter and oldest son were off shopping with their mother. Raymond, our youngest son, spent most of the hike perched up on my shoulders clutching my hair. Bradley ran ahead. He always wanted to be the first to point out a hawk high in a tree, a fox running, or a turtle sunning itself by the pond.

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