Happily Even After: Why Don't I Feel Better
In her book, Carole Brody Fleet discusses how to get through the grief of widowhood.
BY: Carole Brody Fleet
Another reason that you may be feeling your emotional pain even more acutely with the passage of time is that you did not allow yourself adequate time to heal initially. There is no shame in that of course, but as my mother used to tell me, “If you skip over any part of your life, at some point in time, you will go back to retrieve it.” This is what you may be experiencing now.
(This is also the explanation used to rationalize ninety-year-old men with bad comb-overs wearing diamond studs in their ears, shirts unbuttoned down to their navels with obligatory gold chains, and driving fire-engine-red sport cars).
For whatever reasons, at the time of your loss—whether it was too difficult for you to be alone; a friend or relative told you that you should be “over it” and you believed them; you busied yourself to distraction with work, children, or both—you were not permitted to truly grieve and accept that which had happened to you.
Ever hear the phrase, “back to basics”? This is what I’m going to encourage you to do now—go back to the “basics” of healing. Even though you may be further away from your husband’s death in terms of chronological time, you may very well need to revisit the very basic first steps of healing in the ways that I described earlier. Reestablish your basic routine; pay attention to your health and start your recovery processes over again.