8 Ways to Stop Holding a Grudge

Sometimes letting go can be a lot harder than holding on, but it's the only way to ease the internal pain. Here are nine ways to get a grip on the pain and find the strength to let it go.

Elizajenn1234

06/26/2012 06:40:44 PM

Our Heavenly Father Jehovah God loves you; and on the basis of the ransom sacrefice of Christ Jesus you can be forgiven of your sins if you are truly repentant. Jesus Christ said there would be a resurrection of the righteous and the unrighteous at John 5:28 and 29. I invite you to read these scripture. Jehovah's Witnesses around the globe are inviting honest hearted bible students and lovers of truth the investigate what the Bible Really Teaches. I invite you to enlist their help. It may save your life as well as give you needed comfort. John 17:3 Psalm 37:10,11, 29, 33

heavenlydaughter

06/20/2012 08:53:15 PM

Grudges people who believe in God and speak of Him should not hold grudges ! For He say I am in You ! Spiritual Mood, how can you judge the president and his helpers ? The country has been in this mess for years way before u was born. So all this mess has been going on before this president took office ! The killing and suffering been going on for centuries and it did not just start before he became president. So God said judgement will be His and that include judging you ! Far as him hating the country thats not true either, unless he told u personally ? Really ? There has been other presidents before him and 911 took place right here under their nose !! So let us come together as one and pray for our president and helpers that God will have his hand in all this mess going on and bless and keep us from all harm !! God Bless, be bless !

zaazaa

06/19/2012 11:14:50 PM

The problem that I encounter with grudges is with the president and his cronies that are trying to change our country. I think of all the fighting and killing and suffering done for this freedom of this country and I just go into a frenzy. I do pray that God will remove him from office and that all he has done in secret and out in the open will all come back on him. Anyone that hates OUR Country and tries to take God out of it just infuriates me. Jesus got angry with those selling and trading in His Fathers' House. I refuse to watch any shows that take God's name in vain. It doesn't leave much to watch, but that is MY Daddy that they're blaspheming. Anyway, that's my problem grudge.

temprince

03/09/2012 08:05:47 AM

My hurt is that I became pregnant with a child with Downs Syndrome. The pregnancy was difficult with continuous nausea and vomiting and hospital visits to regain fluid loss. I had a test for downs syndrome on my baby. I saw a perfectly formed child on the ultra sound. My baby was dancing and jumping around in my womb. The baby was so happy, having the time of it's life. 4 weeks later i was told he was downs syndrome. My husband didn't want to go ahead. I was 16 weeks with nausea and constant vomiting, plus trying to look after my 18 month little lively girl. I wanted health. I agreed to terminate. 10 years after it still haunts me that I ended a beautiful life. It is my crises. I was brought up catholic. I am alive but inside I am dead, depressed and full of guilt. MY POOR BABY BOY MATTHEW, I LOVE YOU. SEE YOU IN HEAVEN MY ANGEL.

huberlorrieann

01/04/2012 03:53:11 PM

The more you understand the other person and their behavior, the easier it is not to let go of a grudge. I think someone needs to LOOK at the latter part of this sentance from this artical! It should read::: "the easier it is TO LET GO OF THE GRUDGE!

amipatel68

11/04/2011 08:13:28 AM

I love this article but whoever writes these needs to proof read it: "The more you understand the other person and their behavior, the easier it is not to let go of a grudge."

worthit

09/23/2011 08:09:31 PM

This was very helpful to me , I can deal with what i have done more trueful now THANKS .

Pixie5

09/21/2011 07:59:37 PM

Maybe others don't like thisarticle, but I do. It isn't meant to be an exhaustive treatment of the subject! The part about trying to understand the other person's point of view especially jumped out at me. I can say I am 100% right but that doesn't always make it so! Usually there is fault on both sides! Dealing with family issues is of course the hardest part but I am trying to work things out instead of blocking them out. By being willing to listen to them I can realize that they are not the bad guys any more than I am. The are acting out of their pain just as I am acting out of mine. For years I hated my father because he was distant and I thought he didn't love me. I WAS WRONG!!! Because of his upbringing he didn't know how to be an involved father. But when I had a nervous breakdown 13 years ago he helped carry me through! I might have been dead from suicide if he hadn't listened to me for endless hours! If I hadn't been willing to forgive I would have missed out on getting to know a wonderful person! THINK ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF THAT PERSON YOU ARE ANGRY WITH SHOULD DIE TODAY! IS IT WORTH IT TO STAY ANGRY? My dad is 83 years old and I don't intend to waste the time we have left by bickering.

sundance67

09/21/2011 07:39:40 PM

Oh my goodness, this is over-simplified. Just change the subject and leave it in the past? Horrible advice! How does that help another family member who may not be on your timetable who needs to discuss something they went through to get their closure? Or is it all about the person writing the article? How selfish. I can't believe how insidious some of these articles are, it's insulting. How about "don't worry-be happy?" These people shouldn't be allowed to write such trifle. At least I know better, what about some abused teenager who will read this and think there's something wrong with them because they can't do any of this rubbish?

CherA1961

09/21/2011 06:58:51 PM

I unfortunately keep getting into disagreements with my husbands daughter. My husband always takes her side and its hard to forget and forgive when my husband claims that his daughter is always right and I am always wrong regardless of the situation. I have crawled back to her plenty of times but this time I did absolutely nothing to cause this argument. This upsets my husband but he needs to open his eyes and realize that his 34 year old daughter is not always right. Plus this puts a big strain on our marriage. Forgive, perhaps but forget, NEVER. Not again.

maryxiao

08/28/2011 10:44:12 PM

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FClareCat

07/27/2011 10:34:45 PM

Unfortunately there are some occurences in life that do not allow you to solve the problem, clarify what the issue is, and provide safety for your child. You get the adotion courts, and adoptive parents reneging on their agreements, without any reason, and leave the birth family without recourse. Some day they will be held to account for the deep and abiding pain they caused. But that doesn't undo 16 years of wondering why they so coldly cast aside their promises.

12stepsrus

07/27/2011 10:13:16 AM

I agree with seekn entirely, that this is almost a childish presentation of a complex subject. People spend years of their life in therapy and/or develop addictions, etc. over resentments and unforgiveness. The 12 steps are the most logical, comprehensive, and effective way to deal with such problems, as is the sharing of stories, feelings, etc., IN REAL LIFE with others similarly affected. This is an expression of one's spirituality. This newsletter is pathetically "New Age," anyway, with ALL spiritual perspectives treated as if they were the same, which is equally ridiculous! Does someone actually get PAID to put this stuff out there?!!

seekn

04/29/2011 02:05:54 AM

If you are dealing with some relatively minor infraction of societal rules or expectations, PERHAPS these "forgiveness" techniques MIGHT be beneficial for SOME FEW people (note my capitalization emphasis). However as several before me have commented, set beside a serious wrongdoing against another, it begs the question as to whether these techniques have any real value at all. I acknowledge the impossibility of offering personal, in-depth psychotherapy on a public website like beliefnet. At the same time, the author's attempt to do so (even if her motives were pure) trivializes the topic she seeks to advise about and somehow invalidates the struggle and difficult journey we must travel to reach that oh-so-desirable state called "forgiveness". A few trite suggestions ain't gonna' get it. Just saying!

capricorn6441

04/28/2011 10:30:47 PM

I would like to know how you forgive someone who has taken over your life, though it has been years, that person is dead; they both are; yet you can not forgive all that you have given up; all that you have lost; you can not forgive all that you could have been with their support instead of their indifference, or hatred; how can you forgive the hell that you have experience and is now seeing in reap in your children, not by you; not because of you; but, it is a part of you; How can you forgive; what has destroyed you on the inside, carried forth to the outside; and say I am ok. when you know you are not; how can you forgive, what has been taken from you and you never even knew who you were or why?

verax

08/26/2010 07:27:03 PM

So, do you mean silly teen-age grudges, or real ire against real wrongs. Per any substantial matter, your advice here is sort of fake religion using attention-getting themes--quoting superficial psychology. For reality, read the Old Testament laws covering human relationships--including requirements for repentance on the part of whoever has wronged someone else. Also, when a real injury has been given and justified by modern "religion" (e.g., "all things are mine in Christ, so I'll just help myself to your property and give it someone else in Jesus' name" or "you didn't love your husband, and he preferred me" or "you weren't smart about something" or "I have the power," or any other ungodly justification for wrongdoing), civil action might be useful. "Christian" psychology or a website on this point might tell you to let it go, or even "do what Jesus said"--but the fact is, some things shouldn't be let go, and the laws covering human relations that require repentance ARE what Jesus said. In religion, everyone's accountable--which means wrongdoers are obligated to make peace in a practical way. Expecting one person to suffer offenses while everyone else takes advantage ignores the explicit law of God as well as the purpose of laws in civilized countries, and it is typical of the illegitimate versions of religion common in U.S. society. Urging someone to let a grudge go is a poor alternative to the role of the Church in effecting peace in relationships--it is in the category of false doctrine. The real Church can excommunicate someone who won't repent for a wrong--it doesn't have to cajole the victim to "let it go." The real Church can excommunicate someone who won't repent for a wrong--it doesn't have to cajole the victim to "let it go."

kittendogs

08/08/2010 10:32:57 AM

just letting go of a grudge is a big step in it's self. but it will help to lighten the load..lol

xiaojiao

08/07/2010 12:23:03 AM

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Ruready60

08/05/2010 11:26:19 PM

There are takers and givers we have all heard this but there are also people that just don't give a damm. When we have to deal with these people on a weekly bases because of kidds. Well this is a none stop. We have to hear there lies and watch there every move so that we won't be shit on again. Forgivieness is one thing yet to have to carrie on long and drawed out phone calls with i say no,. These are people that we have to have a relationship with like it or not and all we can do is tuff it out.When they ask us if or how we are doing i don't see it as any of there bussiness. I say fine and get to the point at hand and always tell them bye. Nice people finish last well i am saying they don't have to. Forgive yes but you don't have to hang with the people that wear the forgivness out learn that rule.

neverwalks

08/05/2010 09:40:30 PM

I think sometimes it just something you can't forgive because their not sorry.I was injured in Dollar General and they left me to die and with two million in medical bills.I was on a vent for six months in icu and then six months at home.We had to sell our farm to bring me home.I am doing a book about it,I hope to save someone from this and maybe buy a van with a wheelchair lift.thank you neverwalks

mrwilson1965

08/04/2010 05:41:50 PM

It's OK to get angry about any given situation, anything after that you're just milking it :)

KDwhitedove

08/02/2010 04:07:34 PM

Nutcase, sometimes not all suggestions are a one suggestion fits all, which means you may not find the answers you are looking for. I have one "grudge" too, that I have no idea how to let go, except to never be around the person who inflicted her painful poison on me, and infact tried to cause me to lose my pregnancy of my son. At my age of 45 I have dumped things down to a small carry own, which in time I hope will someday not even be that. I can't say this article would have helped me either when I was in my early 20's and 30's, because I felt a right to hold onto my feelings. Then I got hurt on the job, and a neurosurgeon butchered me, which cost me my hard earned career. I could have added that to the load, but by then I realized part of the damage was the fact my own body could not heal serious physical wounds, because of all the emotional pain and hurt I held tightly too. I respect your feelings, however I know some of these experts have actually came from really crappy situations I had my fair share of professors in the psychology field who spoke of their own horrible experiences. You have your right to be mad as mad can be, and since this artical is really only a suggestion, it doesn't have to be taken personal. If it makes sense to you to hold this anger, and grudge, and you see it as a means for positive chance, it is all good. Be well

nutcase

07/31/2010 12:23:25 PM

Yes, I may be an actual nutcase, but I totally disagree with the idea that, if a person harms another, that the victim should just forgive the transgressor. The "experts" will not agree, but I KNOW that I have LEGITIMATE GRIEVANCES, with some people, and I intend to see them through! Sure, I know that holding a grudge might not be healthy, but the fact is that, sometimes, holding a grudge is the ONLY way to compell positive change. This I know to be fact. These so-called "experts" have never LIVED in highly negative situations, so they have no "real world experience", to speak from. All that they have is "college book learnin". This is my view, and I respect that others have different views. Just DONT try to force me to change MY life!

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