A Bad History Is Not Destiny

One of the most significant mind-sets for a Good Life is positive thinking. When callers want to complain on and on about their parents, friends, or spouses, I usually ask them to give me five to ten really important, wonderful, good things about that person as the price for me hearing the bad stuff. This assignment is largely about helping the caller calm down and get perspective, and teaching them not to dismiss the valuable aspects that would buoy them in their lives and relationships.

A great example of this came from a listener, Kris, whose mother died as an alcoholic in denial. Kris never shed a tear about his mother's passing, nor did he feel any loss about her death. In fact, it scared him a bit that he felt nothing whatsoever in terms of grief or sadness. When his mother died, he mostly was relieved that his suffering at the hands of his mother was over. As the oldest child, while his siblings were finishing college and starting their own families, he provided for her necessities since she had squandered her own money.

"So," Kris wrote, "I was all set to tell you why I would not honor my mother because of her alcoholism and the detriment that caused to our family. But, I can't! I really have a lot to thank her for, though I know the adult I became was not because of any grand parenting plan on her part.

"When she was too drunk to:

Continued on page 2: Be the fireman... »