Caretaker, Take Care of Yourself!

Emotional and physical well-being depend on the metaphysical balance between giving and receiving. Thomas Aquinas' "virtue in the middle," the Jewish mystical work, the Kabbalah, and the Dalai Lama's Book of Transformations assert the same principle: Each one of us needs to establish a balance between giving and receiving.

Easier said than done for women who throughout the ages have been ascribed the role of caretaker and nurturer. The balance has always been tipped towards the word

. Many women literally become sick and tired before they can say no.

When we do not honor our true feelings, or when we suppress them, we become ill. Our disease usually symbolizes the underlying emotional condition that we are blocking out. That is why chronic fatigue syndrome occurs predominantly among women. Worthy to note: If it is a blessing to give, let someone else be blessed too!

Then why do women say yes when they mean no? The "good little girl" syndrome, the accommodating woman, the need to be perfect, indicate that a woman needs validation and is afraid that she won't be liked by her significant other, her boss, her children and her friends. However, it is a healthy sign of self-esteem, creativity and accomplishment to say no! In order to regain her balance, the good little girl needs to live more on the edge. No great contribution was ever made through conformity.

If we intuit that something is wrong, or that we are too busy to attend to everything except in a superficial way, we must not suppress our feelings, the inner voice that changes our wording from "I should" to "I really cannot." If your schedule becomes overwhelming and burdensome, saying no helps you to prioritize and select the duties, projects and activities that you will focus on and accomplish with profundity.

When you are distracted by too many tasks, the first question you need to ask yourself is, "What am I distracting myself from facing? What am I running away from?" Carl Jung explained that the hardest person to confront-and to have compassion for-is the self. In fact, we show more compassion to our pets than we do to ourselves!

I would like to share a story revealed during one of my stress-reduction workshops that illustrates this issue. Carol was the oldest daughter in a large family in Trinidad, whose mother suffered from kidney disease and diabetes. Carol gave up her job and accompanied her mother from hospital to hospital for medical treatment. When, despite these efforts, her mother passed away, Carol remained strong; in fact, she didn't even cry.

Her father turned the household over to her-she cooked, cleaned and took care of him and her brothers and sisters. Her life was on hold again. The family all clung to Carol yet went on with their own lives. Two years later, Carol became dangerously anemic and no doctor could figure out why, until one hematologist suggested, "It could be stress. Blood symbolizes family, and your family is stressing you out!"

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