Have an Imperfectly Happy Holiday

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Turn to the spiritual teachings of Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, winter solstice, and the lesser-known December holidays. You probably didn't know that December 8 is Rohatsu, which commemorates the day in 566 BC when the Buddha attained enlightenment. Like Mary and Joseph who found no welcome at the inn and birthed the baby Jesus in a manger, and like the Maccabees who reclaimed the desecrated Temple and lit the miraculous light celebrated on Hanukkah, the Buddha awakened his joy after a long struggle, under a tree, alone and hungry.

Richard Rohr, a Franciscan Father writes, "Truth and goodness are not always found at the top, but often on the edge and at the bottom. Not in the center of empire, but in the backwaters of Bethlehem. Not among the established, but clearly among those who are dis-established." Christmas is the ultimate story of outsiders finding sanctuary, creating family, and bringing forth joy against all odds. If you are feeling alienated, or anxious, or full of grief-or if the despair of the world is weighing heavily in your heart-you need look no further than the stories of the season to help you find light in the darkest month of the year.

M. Scott Peck started his famous book, "The Road Less Traveled," with these lines: "Life is difficult... Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult." The same can be said for the holidays. Once we get with the program that no one skates through December, we can get on with having an imperfectly wonderful holiday season. We can let go of wanting a different family, and try to enjoy the wacky one we already have. If we cherish our childhood memories, we can be grateful for those we can duplicate in our adult worlds, and realistic about those we can't. Or, if our memories are meager and mean, we can hitch our wagon to new rituals that we create from scratch.

If we feel lonely, or exhausted, or misanthropic, or angry, or overwhelmed, or just a little sad, there are all sorts of tricks in Santa's bag for climbing out of a blue mood. But don't try too hard: forcing any kind of mood usually backfires and turns into its opposite. Try too hard to be jolly, and you'll end up down in the dumps. Instead, let yourself be exactly as you are. Slow down, breathe deeply, and invite the sacred into your heart each time your mind races or your emotions sink.

Perhaps down at the bottom of the quiet well of your heart, you will discover some questions brewing in the fertile darkness: Am I harboring an old resentment? Is there someone I need to forgive? Is there something I must say to a family member or a friend? Am I longing for more spiritual nourishment? Is my full aliveness being dulled by a relationship, a substance, work, weight, whatever? In the true spirit of the holidays, let the darkness of your moods lead you back up to the light, and when the New Year rolls around, your resolutions will be infused with new authenticity and power.