'Well, Of Course You Hate Hebrew School-You're Supposed To'

When my ten-year-old son Joseph first told me he hated Hebrew school, I wanted to say, "Well, of course you do, buddy! You're supposed to." After all, I hated Hebrew school. Almost every Jew I know who went to Hebrew school-supplementary, synagogue-run Jewish education for kids who don't go to Jewish day schools-thought it was a waste of time. I figured our mutual animosity toward formal Jewish education would be a source of father-son bonding.

When I expressed this sentiment to my wife Amy, she was appalled. "What do you mean everyone hates Hebrew school?" she asked. "I didn't hate Sunday school."

You see, Amy is Protestant and while she didn't exactly adore Sunday school, she tolerated it nicely, occasionally enjoyed it and was certainly glad she went. She didn't understand why the same couldn't be true of Hebrew school.

Many of Joe's reasons for disliking Hebrew school had little to do with Judaism per se-e.g., the lessons don't vary much from year to year; the quality of teaching was spotty; and, most important, with all his other obligations, he resented having to spend Wednesday afternoon and Sunday morning in school. Some complaints went deeper. The understandable but increasing focus his teachers placed on Jews being persecuted left him uninspired. "Who wants to sit around and hear about being defeated all the time?" he said.

Amy suggested we take Joe and his younger brother Gordon out of Hebrew school. I resisted. "Hebrew school is an important part of forming their Jewish identity!" I declared. "I don't want to let my kids lose track of their Judaism."

It was an emotional reaction. Truth is, I've read the books by people like Alan Dershowitz and Elliot Abrams arguing that interfaith couples are doing what Hitler was unable to do: destroy the Jewish people. I was determined to prove them wrong by showing how an interfaith couple can raise good Jews.

So when Amy suggested we consider leaving Hebrew school, I imagined little Dershowitz and Abrams imps, sitting on my shoulders whispering into my ears, "Your ancestors are depending on you!"

Amy interrupted my indignant internal dialogue by pointing out that right now the Jewish "identity" that Hebrew school seemed to be forming in Joe was an antagonism toward all things Jewish. "How is that going to make him love Judaism?"

I conceded her point-and realized it never had occurred to me that there was any alternative to the woeful state of Jewish education in America. Almost every Jew I've ever polled on this issue has said their supplementary Jewish education was annoying, laughable, a waste of time, or terrible. While their experiences didn't turn them off to Judaism completely, Hebrew school certainly didn't seem to make the Jews I know more likely to attend synagogue, keep kosher, or marry other Jews. I'm not sure yet whether Jewish education is worse than Christian Sunday schools or supplementary education of other faiths. I'll return to this topic in another article.

Amy challenged me: "Why don't you teach them yourself?"

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