Family Questions for the High Holidays

Fasting on Yom Kippur is a form of moral self-discipline designed to help us focus on our spiritual needs rather than our physical ones. Traditionally, fasting is required of healthy adults. But in Jewish law, there is a doctrine known as

(saving a life), which states that a person's health or welfare cannot be endangered in order to fulfill a ritual requirement. Obviously, a full day of fasting is not in the best interests of young children and thus violates the law of

.

According to Jewish practice, a young person reaches religious adulthood at the age of 13. At 13, a person is considered morally accountable for his or her acts. It is customary for a teen to begin a full day of fasting at this age. However, it is probably best to ease your child into this observance. Even children as young as 8 or 9 may fast the evening of Kol Nidre after services, and preteens should be encouraged to skip breakfast on Yom Kippur morning as a partial fast.

Be sure to acknowledge your 13-year-old's effort and success in fulfilling Jewish tradition. It might be nice to recite the Shechechiyanu (special blessing for first accomplishments) in honor of her/his first Yom Kippur as a moral adult at your family or community "break-the-fast" meal.

Q2. My child is scared of the Book of Life. She's afraid that something bad will be inscribed for her for the coming year. How do I reassure her?

It is natural for a child to feel anxiety about something so beyond her/his control as destiny. But, according to Jewish tradition, the Book of Life is not a fortune-telling device. It is a story written as we live, changing from day to day. Actually, it's less like a book and more like a home video camera, which records our actions rather than determining them. And each of us has our own Book to fill.

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