Teaching Saintly Sex

Latter-day Saints face the challenge of devising sex ed courses that get specific while upholding chastity and fidelity.


02/03/2003 10:47:09 AM

"I have not met ONE Mormon who was mean or bad. " Guess you don't get out much.


05/29/2002 12:24:52 PM

The First Presidency has declared that “there is a distinction between [1] immoral thoughts and feelings and [2] participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.” Although immoral thoughts are less serious than immoral behavior, such thoughts also need to be resisted and repented of because we know that “our thoughts will also condemn us” (Alma 12:14). Church leaders are sometimes asked whether there is any place in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for persons with homosexual or lesbian susceptibilities or feelings. Of course there is. The degree of difficulty and the pattern necessary to forgo behavior and to control thoughts will be different with different individuals, but the message of hope and the hand of fellowship offered by the Church is the same for all who strive. ~By Elder Dallin H. Oaks Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles


03/27/2002 11:51:44 AM

Did anyone catch that she stated that Homosexuality is ok? Excuse me, but I thought the church was pretty clear on this. By the way - there should be no sex, safe or otherwise before marriage. If they choose to have sex, then they can also have the consequences. It was their choice. About the 'I will see him with or with out you" Who are the parents ? Who runs this family - obviously it is the children. That is what's wrong with society today - it is too easy to manipulate your parents. They do not want to offend or upset their children - how ridiculous!!!!


02/15/2002 08:32:38 PM

I commend the church of LDS for having such strong strength in religion and such good appeal to their children and teens. I have not met ONE Mormon who was mean or bad. For the issue though, I believe that the church of Latter-Day Saints should just have sex education and be straight out. Do not use provocative terms, just tell them NOT to have sex and the bad consequences of it and the ways people may try to get them to think it's "okay". You (the LDS church) should ask around good, Christian teen girls and boys (not from LDS though) and ask them what are some phrases/slang to get a girl/boy to have sex? Then warn the kids of LDS that their date may say this or that and if they are like this or that they may want sex. Being straight out is the best way to tell teens and kids. They're more likely to stick to their beliefs than if you sugar coat it.


01/16/2002 09:00:16 PM

"Kids came out of there knowing...that you need to watch how you dress and what you say and what you view and what you listen to and how late you're out and how horizontal you get." that's victim-blaming mentality. In theory, churches should exist as institutions of spirituality & aspire to affirm & educate people with ALL the facts so that they can make their own choices. Morality isn't black & white. In fact it's been argued that morality is nothing but a socially agreed upon framework created by men -not a set of diefically-ordained prerequisites.


01/06/2002 05:39:08 PM

in response to LucentMynded- I'm not LDS (humanist, in fact) but surely you can recognize that even consensual sex can be immoral. I'm not talking positions or techniques, I'm talking moral accountability. Is a guy who gets a girl drunk (or vice versa) in the hopes of lowering her judgment enough to get her to sleep with him moral? It's consensual, as much as intoxicated consent can be, but not moral. Or is using sex/abstinence as a way to get back at a partner moral? What about sleeping with someone in hopes of "keeping" him/her, for getting pregnant against a partner's will? Or cheating on someone?


12/20/2001 07:50:35 PM

I have to say that I feel there is a lot of sexual repression in the LDS church, within marriage. From personal experience I can say that it is difficult, after trying so hard to fight your natural sexual urges, to suddenly have free and uninhibited sex with someone just because you have now heard the words of your marriage ceremony, even if it is in the temple. And then, what is "appropriate" sexually once you are married?? Is there any doctrine regarding this? I had a friend who felt EXTREME guilt for years over oral sex...and aside from someone telling me that "the church stays out of your bedroom", I have never come across any official word on this. I am what I call a sort of "reverent" agnostic, I have no negative feelings towards the LDS church after 29 years of "Mormonhood". But I find these issues fascinating, as they directly affect the collective community psyche around here (Utah).


12/16/2001 07:16:52 PM

I'll give my spin on things. Our church (I'm not LDS)had a "Diamonds in the Rough" class which was taught to most jr. high girls. The premise of this class was "Sex is bad.period." They didn't bother to give us the reasons why children (and some adults) aren't ready to handle or understand the ramifications of a sexual relationship. I didn't have sex because I knew if my parents found out, they'd kill me. I also wanted to be well thought of in school. I was one of few kids in my graduating class to remain a virgin and I was everything you can be in school. The reason I got these things was not because I was a virgin,it was because I was a good person. I now know that sex should be treated with reverence. It is not about "getting-off," it is about sharing your soul with the person you are with. It should be about love and respect. When those standards are met, then sex can be enjoyed! THIS is what should be taught to children. They need to know why they're waiting and what they're waiting on.


12/11/2001 11:33:41 PM

I think the pressure put on young adults to stay pure is ridiculous. Why not focus on educating them towards a safe, healthy life? Why not teach them self-respect and self-esteem, that way they are always in control of their bodies. Sex should be given the utmost respect. Propogating of the species depends on it. I see some people add guilt to prevent the oh-so-unholy pregnancies from happening. Second of all, no one has the right to demean pregnant teenage mothers! Single mothers deserve nothing but respect! By the way, Wasnt Jesus borne of a single, unwed teen mother?


12/05/2001 06:42:11 PM

I think metaphors and parables only go so far. When my wife and I taught the 12-13 SS class and the lesson on chastity came up, I started the class with a bang: "Today we're talking about sex." Best attention I ever got out of those kids -- not just because of the "hook" at the opening, but because they knew I was going to play straight with them. These kids new the facts from Prime Time; they didn't need me to treat them like ignoramuses. Nathan


12/05/2001 06:39:59 PM

Strikes me as funny that some malcontents will use an article about how to best teach and present values (which are not the subject of discussion) to strike out at those values, and at the premise they're based on. I don't go to a Muslim forum and use an article on women's modesty in dress to declare that Mohammed was a false prophet; why would some troll decide to use this article to declare their atheism? Are the people on the atheism boards all over the net really so boring that you have to go fishing here for some excitement? Nathan


12/02/2001 11:56:13 AM

From a practical standpoint it better to wait until you are married to have children. Did you notice I did not say anything about sex? We should teach our children Safe Sex. We should teach them the safest sex is a loud NO! but failing that( and kids will do what the heat of the moment tells them) we must teach them to be responsable for their actions. That babies are not like puppies..they can't be taken to the pound to get "rid of them".. That AIDS is DEADpersonWALKING. That STD's can take away their fertility forever... It's not to teach no sex...just safer practices


11/25/2001 10:29:13 AM

Most people have suffered some kind of abuse-either by having loose standards thrust upon them at too young an age, or by having someone elses sexual hangs (religious or otherwise) built into them during their childhood. Sexuality, and the expression of it is a personal thing. What will protect our teenagers isn't educating them to not have sex before marriage - teaching them that they are divine, and that their bodies are temples will. Teach them to demand that their prospective partner treat them with reverence, respect and fidelity. Teach them self-esteem!


11/16/2001 02:54:15 PM

Robert Frost said: Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. A second, less poetic but more specific opinion is offered by the writer of Proverbs: Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? . . . But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away. [Proverbs 6:27-33] If anyone honestly wants to see why mormons believe the things they do about sex, go to: http://speeches.byu.edu/devo/87-88/holland88.html


09/23/2001 02:19:06 PM

Whatever is done between two or more consenting adults in the privacy of their own home is ethically and morally good.They are able to meet their needs,which makes them less frustrated, more productive, and generally happier, which is good for society!Free your mind and your arse will follow-the kingdom of heaven is within.


09/16/2001 02:32:24 PM

Another question I would also like to adress was one the author of this colum asked. If it were okay to accept young girls into their churches if they have gotten pregnant. The old quote from the bible stateing, those to which have not sinned be the first to throw the first stone. We have all done things that our counted as imoral, but those are the ones that should be in church, if you feel that God is Great than let them come into his light, why push them away? Jesus, walked with the poor not the rich, the murderurs and the whores. There was a reason for that. We are not the ones to judge. God bless.


09/16/2001 02:25:27 PM

In these truley evil times of hate and destruction, we must all look towards the knowledge that God is all loveing, and no matter what your belifes are regarding morality, we must all understand that it is our nature to have sexual feelings and lust. No matter if you are heterosexual, or homosexual, good sense will always be of tremendus importance. God will not condem you to hell if you have sexual relations outside of marridge. That would be petty and vengful, which are human traits. So we must teach our children to use good sense, to not proceed in actions that may cause us harm or unwanted pregnincies. Not make them fear it becouse God thinks it is wrong. That is creating a false God of human qualities. Know you are loved, and will be no matter what. We are Gods children, and when you fall, you only fall closer to God. God bless.


09/10/2001 09:44:11 PM

i can't hope to say or have anybody hear just how utterly, completely wrong the mainstream is about human sexuality. Its a nightmare. What amounts to "moral training" in some peoples minds is without a doubt psychosexual wounding. As for no sex outside of marriage...tell it to the bonobos. You will get just about as far in the long run. We have instincts and impulses for good reasons. All of these bull rules are in violation of the law of the jungle and the true ethical law. But hey, in the long run, theres nothing to worry about...two or threee more generations and thankfully all of this false christian garbage will be history.


09/10/2001 08:18:45 PM

I am not going to refute the good points of waiting until you are married to have sex - because face it people, being a pregnant teen would not be a fun experience. It is, however, everyones own choice. robinartisson put it very well - its a natural part of being human. While I do wholly agree with the decision to wait until marriage for sex - more for practical that moral reasons - I do *not* beleive that there is any reason to deny yourself other forms of "sexual expression". The supposed 'badness' of masturbation has lead to problems in circumstances - just look at all the cases of pedophilia among catholic preists. Just ask yourselves - what makes stimulating a bunch of nerves evil?


09/10/2001 01:59:52 AM

Christianity's central problem is the extreme amount of sexual guilt and repression that it dumps upon it's members. Repression leads to dysfunction, and nowhere have I seen this dysfunction more expressed than among LDS. The idea of sex somehow being "wrong" until some minister or priest puts you through a ceremony is totally absurd. You don't need other people to "okay" your sexual behavior with an official ceremony. Most people long ago realized how silly the idea of sexual morality really is. We've also realized how silly all of this behavior and mind control morality is...the only real "sin" lies in hurting other people unnecesarily. All other "sins" are just invented nonsense, used by religious establishments for the purposes of controlling their herds. Have sex. Enjoy it. It's a natural and normal part of being human, and there AINT NO GOD up there, or anywhere, that's gonna get mad at you for doing it. There's nothing "indecent" or "immoral" about it. Wake up.


09/09/2001 11:38:26 PM

i believe children should be taught by their parents...first about sex.i feel the best way is to wait until marriage. some people get engaged and then have sex..i say no!no!no!the engagement could be broken and if you have given in you will be defiled.too many young men and women have no regards for their bodies. our bodies are sacred and the temple of god. we need to learn how not to be quickly fooled by slick talking men and women who want to take some young girls/boys innocence away from them.god said wait!!no questions.this will save us a lot of heartaches and pain in the long run.thanks


09/09/2001 01:10:57 AM

All paths DO lead to the Divine, it is just that some paths are full of rocks, stickers and fallen logs. Some paths are smooth, grassy and have good views. Guess which one LDS is?


09/08/2001 10:33:51 AM

God wants His children to be decent and moral. Humor can be uplifting or degrading. Jesus wants us to respect our bodies, which are temples(holy). I am glad I waited for marriage for true intimacy, and I hope my kids will do the same. WWJD? The Lord is pure. Let's let adolescents live longer in innocence! Media is too raunchy and today it is hard to remain undefiled. Encourage virtue and pardon whenever possible. emc


09/07/2001 03:45:50 PM

[Windsinger 9/5/01 2:59:17 PM Your god, Your rules, your hell.] No. THE God, HIS rules, HIS hell. OUR choice.


09/07/2001 02:30:33 PM

I am a Mormon. I've been so all my life. I would like to refute Caliana who seems to think that "Repressed Desires" lead to an inability to "enjoy sex" later on. This is a pile of crap. I have been married for 6 years. I believe I can be candid enough here to say I had no problem enjoying sex right from the start. Judging from my wife's reaction she did not either. We were both clean when we got married and got married in the Temple. I also would like to add that we balance the "lets get married so we can have sex" syndrome with "when you get married you're together forever" reality.


09/05/2001 02:59:16 PM

Your god, Your rules, your hell.


09/05/2001 11:59:21 AM

God says no sexual expression outside marriage. We can obey and be blessed, or disobey and be damned. 'Nuff said.


09/05/2001 10:16:32 AM

Okay, I understand the desire to keep children from having sex I really do, but the LDS church goes a little far. If all levels of sexual satisfaction are equally condemned that leads to issues later. Not to mention the lets get married so we can have sex syndrome. I have also seen a newly married couple unable to enjoy sex because they had repressed the desires for so long (They were LDS). I personally feel that we have to give kinds knowledge and options, not an all or none. Love and Light