Open Presence

From "The Wonder of Presence" by Toni Packer. (c) 2002 by Toni Packer. By arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston, www.shambhala.com.

Someone asked, "Does it really matter if we 'wake up' or not?"

A little while ago I took a walk up a hill. What a delightful morning! Warmth and coolness were present at the same time. Gentleness pervaded the air, and birds were singing everywhere. Wet, sodden shoes passed by the croaking pond where tiny little skimmers crisscrossed back and forth on the surface of the water, leaving their ever so delicate tracks.

On the big upper field several deer were grazing. Looking up at the intruder, their long white tails twitched a little as we looked at each other. Then they kept on grazing. Colors dotted the sun-drenched field, and blooming grasses were swaying in the breeze. The fragrance of wild roses filled the air. If you had walked along with me this beautiful morning, we both would have laughed at the question whether it matters if we wake up or not.

Had we been caught up in anger, worry or frustration, we wouldn't have laughed. We would not have seen the lovely vibrant field. We have so many questions. Whence do they arise? Are there deeper motives to our question? Can we wonder about it and look? Someone asked , "Is there such a thing as ultimate, complete and total enlightenment?" Are we really asking, "If there is such a thing, can I get it?"

Where does wondering about complete and total enlightenment come from? And from where does wanting it arise? And the frustration about not getting it? Doesn't it all come our of our deep inner discontent with ourselves, with others, and with the world? Sometimes we can't even say what it is that causes it; we just feel painfully out of sync. There is an inner meaninglessness, a feeling of hollow emptiness. Not the emptiness of vast open space, but a feeling of nothing of value inside, feeling lonely, cut off from happiness and alienated from people. There may be the fear of abandonment, or feeling unloved. All of these things are going on in human beings.

Out of the desire to fill up the inner depletion and find lasting contentment may come questions about enlightenment, and with them the yearning to find meaning and not feel isolated from everything and everyone. The brain creates endless concepts and fantasies to alleviate the inner suffering.

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