Diving Into the Dharma

Soon after I turned 54, I took up scuba diving and began to understand the true nature of what it means to breathe. I had been a less-than-impeccable student of Buddhism ever since I found a copy of D.T. Suzuki's "Introduction to Zen Buddhism" in a used bookstore when I was 15. Over the years, I had practiced various forms of meditation, Buddhist and other, eventually settling down to a vipassana practice that I would periodically strengthen with a silent 10-day retreat.

At the time I began diving, however, my life was becoming more complex, my work more demanding, and my practice was unraveling. I was ruled by task lists that grew like kudzu. As a temporary solution, I escaped to Hawaii for a vacation. I love the ocean and am fascinated by the coral reef environment, so after a few days of snorkeling, learning to scuba dive seemed a natural move. It would also be another notch on the belt of my rapidly aging male ego.

The Brooklyn-bred dive instructor drilled the central rule of diving into us: "Nevuh hold your breath." On land, unconsciously holding your breath is, at worst, a stress-inducing, unhealthy habit. But holding your breath while making an underwater ascent of as little as 20 feet (if you've been breathing compressed air) can rupture your lungs and kill you.

My diving was full of effort and compulsiveness. Why was I still having trouble achieving neutral buoyancy--that perfect balance of breath, weight, and motion that allows you to hang suspended at any depth?

We were also told, over and over, to practice slow, deep, even breathing. Not only would this lead to a more economical use of our limited air supply, but it would promote a state of calm alertness necessary 60 feet down. All this counsel seemed like old news to me. After all, I had spent hundreds of hours sitting on cushions watching my breath.

Before I knew it, I was a veteran of eighteen dives and the vacation was over. I carried home images of brilliant turquoise and yellow parrotfish, exquisitely formed coral canyons and the songs of dolphins. But at the same time, I knew I had missed something essential. I was always the first in my group to run out of air. My diving was full of effort and compulsiveness. Did I see as many fish as the others? Why wasn't I learning to use less air? Why was I still having trouble achieving neutral buoyancy--that perfect balance of breath, weight, and motion that allows you to hang suspended at any depth?

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