Deliberate Childlessness: Moral Rebellion With a New Face

Married couples who choose to be childless are revolting against God's design.

KathyHL

10/20/2010 07:07:35 PM

So, because the Bible doesn't mention married couples who choose not to have children, NOBODY should EVER choose not to have children. The Bible also doesn't mention computers. So Mohler needs to give up his computer. Come on, now. Did Jesus have a computer? (For that matter, did Jesus have children?)

hm7380

07/19/2010 05:23:22 AM

This article is exactly why I am not only agnostic, but choose to remain childfree as well. People such as the writer are what makes me loathe most christians.

jg32

07/19/2010 03:31:17 AM

Your article lacks backup by scripture. The only scripture you cite in the article declares children to be a blessing, but it does not command that married Christians have children. Your article is filled with assumptions and no had scriptural evidence. I am a single childfree Christian man, and I am proud of my stance. My refusal to get married and have children does not put me in a state of rebellion to God. Sure God said that "it is not good for man to be alone" in Genesis 2:18, but He did not say that "man must not be alone." The choice belongs to each one of us. If someone feels led by the Lord to marry and have children, then more power to them. I support their decision. However, the same support should be shown to brothers and sisters in the faith who reject parenthood and marriage. Parenthood is a choice, not an obligation.

schwarb

04/22/2010 12:50:48 PM

Doesn’t widespread contraception use and “deliberate childlessness” (contraception/abortion/sterilization = fruit of the same tree) by Christians lead to: (1) dramatic decline in births; (2) ubiquitous fornication and adultery since the risk of a “consequence,” nine months later, is removed; (3) Christians aborting hundreds of thousands to hide these “consequences”; (4) unprecedented divorce and unbiblical “remarriage” (AKA perpetual adultery) rates; (5) millions of destroyed Christian homes; (6) shrinking and failing Christian denominations? Isn’t pervasive use of contraception/abortion/sterilization by Christians, in reality, anti-Bible, anti-family, anti-Church *and* anti-American? Therefore, how can “deliberate childlessness” be Christian?

jandrew

07/04/2008 04:47:07 AM

There are 2.2 billion children in teh world pver a half of which are estimated to be living in poverty. If Christians were performing their duties of caring for them instead of thinking procreation were some duty, perhaps the world would be a better place. I have met plenty of women who don't want children yet I can't meet one who is Christian. I don't believe that this is due to God's shaping their heart to His will, I believe it is a Christian sub-culture with ideals like this author. Not all people choose to be childless out of selfishness either. Some believe that you can better serve God, or would rather adopt children in need.

dsrtrosy

09/26/2006 08:17:27 PM

This writer's claim are not only unsupported in the essay, they are unsupportable by scripture. Childbearing was given to women as a curse. There was never any mandate that all must have children (notice that Adam and Eve were specifically told to be fruitful, and then Noah and his family were told the same--a mandate would not be repeated in this specific manner). The emotion that children were a blessing to the parents came from the cultural norms. The earth was unpopulated, and reason and logic and stewardship did not demand care. Rather, survival of the species required procreation. "Evolution" may have had a hand in making childlessness taboo, but God did not. Christians, don't buy into this kind of unreasoning rant. Abortion rates, domestic violence and other crimes against children would decrease if people CHOSE to have children rather than being guilted into it by the likes of this writer.

Examinedlife

09/13/2006 11:11:23 PM

My husband and I are childfree by choice. We found out early in our relationship that neither of us wanted to have children. This is an important issue to agree on before marriage. I know two couples who found out after they got married that one person wanted kids and one did not and this caused major conflict. I didn't like children and teenagers when I was growing up. My biological alarm clock went off one time after we got married. I felt this urge to have children seemingly come into my mind from outside. My husband reported he heard me say in my sleep, "but I don't want children!" On both sides of my family, there is serious mental illness. My husband, same thing. We decided to not pass this along. We, like other posters here, are not wealthy. We get by but that's it. I really admire those families who are able to support kids with less income than we have. Though we decided to not have children, we firmly believe that if you want them and are able to support them, have them!

Joey39

05/27/2006 03:53:23 AM

Well, going on 39 years of age and still a virgin, as a Christian, I guess I'm going to Hell, then, because I'm choosing NEVER to date, fall in love, get married, OR have any children! Hey, Albert, did you ever read the Scripture in the Bible where it says that it is better for a man NOT to marry? This means that we single Christians are better able to serve the Lord because we are not distracted by the demands of caring for children and a spouse. Also, is it a revolt against God for me, as a woman, to enjoy caring for other people's children rather than my own, even love them? Am I selfish because I'd rather someday work with children who were born with Down syndrome than have children of my own? Did you ever stop to think about that? Get real, Albert! As far as I am concerned, it isn't any Christian's business whether anyone chooses to have children or not!

KathyHL

02/06/2006 04:54:13 PM

If men like Albert Mohler really thought giving birth was such a wonderful "privilege", they'd figure out a way that men could do it. Then they'd prohibit women from doing it. That's what they did with voting and owning property, and other "privileges."

lcox03

11/13/2005 03:39:40 AM

I refrained from motherhood because I was not in a loving committed marriage during my childbearing years. I wanted children, but I wanted them in the context of marriage which was not to be. At 52 years old, I have many nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews to pamper and love. There are so many irresponsible parents today it is shameful. Many parents married and single pay little attention to their offspring whereas; those who chose not to have children are really doing a service to society. Don't bring a child into your relationship to suffer from neglect and feelings of guilt for a failed marriage. I am a product of a broken marriage and I know the pain of feeling guilty for the breakup of my parents. My parents bore 5 of us. My mother married and had 2 more, later divorcing again. Children are always caught in the middle. So many orphaned children in the world; why does not the church support rearing of orphaned children? I think that we need to reassess what God meant by being fruitful.

DoreenM

10/08/2005 07:50:30 PM

I do not agree with Albert Mohler. I am not 'revolting against God's design' by not having rugrats! I have physical defects I live with every day, defects passed onto me by my MOTHER. I deliberatly choose to Live ChildFREE so I do not pass these defects onto future generations! I am helping, NOT harming, Albert Mohler!! I also have inherited her untreated mental illness, something she got from her father. Children are so incredibly expensive now. Millions go bankrupt (including my brother) because they have children draining their finances daily. I thank Jesus daily I have NO kids. He has blessed me with a birth control pill. He has protected me from a body (mine) that wants to hurt me by making a baby. THANK You Jesus!

KansasGirl76

07/03/2005 08:01:26 PM

As the child of a parent who did not want me, and who abused me daily as a result, I believe that couples who do not wish to have children should not have them. I have also worked with children who had parents who were not prepared to be parents, and the children suffered as a result. If someone does not want to be a parent, or is unsure about being a parent, they have no business creating a child. Children are precious, and deserve parents who want them and love them.

FemaleWriter

07/03/2005 04:16:17 AM

This Albert guy does not know what he is talking about. Does he believe that every childfree couple out there is wealthy and carefree? I have news for you. I am married (5 years) and childfree. We do not have that much money...definitely not enough to support children and ourselves. Also, both my husband and I have health problems that can be passed down to any children we have. And if it wasn’t the money or health, it would be the state of the world. I’m afraid to look at the news…I’m sick of hearing about death and destruction every single day. So, maybe Mr. Mohler should examine every childfree couple before making such rash statements. I agree with BrownsLoveJesus and others…that if you were meant to have children, then god would give you children regardless of birth control. I believe that if something was meant to be, it would happen, regardless of what one does to prevent/avoid it. Anyway, I hope you’re well. Take Care! ~Christine

AneMcHugh

06/10/2005 09:08:44 PM

Unless it is specifically written in the Bible, that 'thou must procreate', (and I know for a fact the Bible in no way relegates childless by choice as a sin) we must not ASSUME that it is!! For I know IT IS a sin to ADD TO HIS commandments and laws, which is what this article is trying to do. Childless by choice is not one of them. My husband and I have ONE CHILD by choice. After seeing all that is wrong in our world, and how innocent children are abused, raped, murdered, unwanted newborns dumped in trash bins, toilets, etc...we felt raising one child is stressful enough for any parent, let alone raising 3,4,5....trusting in the LORD is certainly the key, but common sense regarding how many children you can afford to raise, and whether or not you want to take on the responsibility of raising a child in this sinful world should be the choice of couples.

AMHardulak

06/09/2005 06:57:52 AM

Have you ever met a child raised by parents who really did not want to have children? Trust me--there is nothing more sad. And the devestating negative effects offered that child daily on that child can be lifelong. Sometimes--common sense must prevail. People who truely do not want children should not have them (it is that simple). (FYI--my husband and I adore our three beautiful daughters).

joninokc007

06/08/2005 05:24:12 PM

Is Deliberate Childlessness a sin? From what I have read in the New Testament, some Christian couples chose not to have relations due to their desire to work in a ministry, or due to physical danger to the Christian community, and neither Paul or the other New Testament writers condemned them. Logically, there are choices the married couples make that work at the personal level, but when many other people are making the same decisions, can kill a society at the macro-level. Japan, Europe, and the United States are facing a gradual implosion of native populations due to the fact that the couples in that society are not producing enough children to replace those people lost to natural or violent causes of death. Infertility and rampant abortion are shifting the population numbers to implosion as well, with 1 out of 2 pregnancies tending to end in abortion.

LissaJean

06/08/2005 03:56:47 PM

gil1 Hmmm.... Jesus didn't have children. Priests don't have children. Paul didn't have children. I suppose it would be too negative of me to note that they're all men...

stubbyangel

06/08/2005 12:56:21 PM

contined... Now my husband and I, formerly Childfree by Choice, are doting parents to a beautiful 1 year old girl. We are able to see both sides now. Belive me, I have my days when I mourn the loss of my carefree "B.C." life, but, I have also found so much unexpected, unanticipated joy in motherhood. I'm not saying I've changed my mind- I certainly believe that people have the right to have children or not for whatever reasons are important to them. But I am also grateful that God intervened in my case, and gave us this child, and this opportunity to grow in ways we'd never imagined. I am grateful that we were given the time (I'm 35yrs old) to establish ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and in our relationship before we were given the baby. I feel like we have been given the gift of the best of both worlds.

stubbyangel

06/08/2005 12:55:58 PM

My husband and I decided that we did not want children, for many of the same reasons this author describes, personal and global, ie., our consciousness of overpopulation. We lived together 6 years before getting married. Due to reproductive issues, I never had to use birth control--I never got pregnant in 6 years. We finally married, and SURPRISE! came home pregnant from our honeymoon. It was the most stunning news I'd ever received! Because of my reproductive problems, I always knew that if I ever did get pregnant, it would be because God wanted me to bring this child into the world. Though I am fiercely pro-choice, I always knew that abortion was not an option for me personally.

MarleneEmmett5

06/08/2005 11:36:06 AM

When I was 18 I became pregant and my parents felt that best I have an abortion,it is a disicion that I regret to this day. When I was going out with the man I married he said that:"I want a little girl who looks like you~and my reply was I want a little boy who has your eyes" Five years later I reminded him of that incident and he says "I never said that" I've wanted children since I first beheld a cousin 6months and due to circumstances,I don't have any. I don't have to tell you how I've cried over this fact,I can't forgive my late parents for what they made me do & I won't forgive my husband.My parents encer gave me a choice & my husband took that choice away without asking my opinion~The abortion I look upon as taking a life~It's funny that my parents made me have the abortion since I was adopted at the age of 9 days as they couldn't have children I though they would've wanted me to have their grandchild~give him a good home.I did find out they were *ashamed of me~but they never told me so*

nichirenlotus

06/08/2005 10:35:17 AM

Not everyone on planet earth is of the Christian persuasian so our guidelines and beliefs are different. Having children is a choice not an obligation. I gave birth to 4 children and raised 5; I have 16 grandchildren. One of my daughters said she wasn't going to have children. I said that is your choice. I never pressured or pushed. I respected her choice. When she married, she got two children with the marriage and is raising them. She did give birth one time and has since adopted her husband's nephew because his mother has children and won't/doesn't raise them; they are "throwaway" children. So my daughter is now raising 4 children. I still respect her and her choices. We have an obligation to planet earth and our environment. We have an obligation to be true to ourselves. I can't imagine feeling obligated to bear children so I can be accepted as a righteous person. I am very glad that I believe in a different philosophy of life than the author of this triabe.

gil1

06/08/2005 10:13:30 AM

Hmmm.... Jesus didn't have children. Priests don't have children. Paul didn't have children.

Boadicea

06/08/2005 09:10:09 AM

The sad part is how many times I have listened to people proclaim how I am "denying" myself and my husband the joys of parenthood, how I am denying "God's purpose" by choosing to use contraception, how I'm just really a big fat failure as a woman because I don't have children. My response? You lose five children (nearly bleeding to death with the fifth), and then we'll talk. That usually shuts them up - except for those who just can't resist the whole "all things are possible with God, and you should trust him" line. Sigh.

Boadicea

06/08/2005 09:08:10 AM

Between the ages of 20 and 32, I experienced 5 miscarriages. I took the hint that I was *not* supposed to have children and chose to be childless (I use contraception). I am now the "doting aunt" who is loved by her nieces and nephews because I have the time and the wherewithal to do things with them that their parents can't (due to other obligations). I have a very high "cool" rating. It's the best parts of motherhood and none of its worst parts. (cont)

Judy-in-PA

06/07/2005 03:36:05 PM

Children are also a miracle, and that's not to be taken lightly. Our first baby died after 13 days of life due to a metabolic disorder. Until that point, I had no appreciation for the miracle of life. Although some in the medical field recommended a "therapeutic abortion" in my third pregnancy when a pre-natal test showed that my son would probably have the same metabolic disorder which would lead to his death in a short time after birth, we remained faithful to God and allowed Him to determine the end of my son's life, not me. He is now 11 years old--healthy since the day he was born. God rewarded our faithfulness to Him, even when circumstances and the world would have pointed us in another direction.

Judy-in-PA

06/07/2005 03:35:29 PM

I agree that children are a blessing from God, but how many children define a "quivver full"? I believe that is as individual as we are. As a mother of two, and one who did use birth control early in my my marriage until we had firmly rooted our marriage relationship, I think prayer for guidance about when to have children and how many children to have is essential. I know of families with one child (through difficulty in fertility or by choice), and families with 4 or more, and they are both happy in their parenting experiences and dedicating their energies to raising their child(ren) to know and love the Lord. That's what it's all about!

BrownsLoveJesus

06/07/2005 03:25:06 PM

Both sides of this issue may like or dislike this. I am 25, F, Married with no children. I feel that if God wants me to have a child, regardless of contraception, I will. He can and will do anything he wants. If God doesnt want me to have a child, ragardless of In Vitro, fertility drugs, I wont. So, Dont get hung up on all this. What will be, will be. It's not worth all the anger and controversy. I love you all. Be blessed!

voluptuary

06/07/2005 10:31:32 AM

Maybe I don't get it because I'm an atheist, but why is it anyone's business but mine what the composition of my household is? Or the composition of my neighborhood? Or the disposition of my time? Or my finances? Is anyone else amazed at this man's ability to make decisions about all these things for me, as though I don't have the sense to do it myself?

Examinedlife

06/07/2005 12:16:44 AM

My husband and I are childless or, as we prefer to say, childfree, by choice. Neither of us wants to have children, so we didn't. Other factors came into play--He has a hot temper, usually under control, and mental illness runs in both sides of my family. Sure, I'm concerned about who will take care of me when I get old, though I know several parents and their adult children who don't get along, so there is no guarantee that your children will take care of you in your old age. Having lots of kids was fine when there was only a few million people living on the earth or if you were part of a small tribe. Also, in an agrarian society, you needed lots of people (kids) to do the work on the farm. I really think you do have a choice as to whether to have kids. If you want to have them, go ahead. If you don't want to, don't! Talk this out before you get married. I know two couples who split up because they discovered, after they got married, one spouse wanted kids and the other didn't.

unicornucopia

06/06/2005 07:43:06 PM

Besides, overpopulation is a very real challenge today, contributing to pollution, greed and competitiveness as well as starvation in some parts of the world. Since TV and computers, we have become global citizens and can no longer ignore problems caused by overpopulation such as global warming. Celebrate our choices, don't condemn us. Meanwhile, take your preaching back and start feeding the hungry, mongering against war, and realizing war itself is just another form of population control. Better to embrace birth control and childlessness I say! Everyone else, mind your own business...

unicornucopia

06/06/2005 07:38:32 PM

People should be able to make personal decisions about family planning without insults from the community. What kind of world do we live in?

Sher501

06/06/2005 12:48:47 PM

"Not everyone should be a parent"- true- myself included- that's why i chose adoption at age 19. Regarding the ludicrous nursing home statement- "Those who confine their love to one permanent partner during the crucial 15 years of reproductivity should imagine what it’s going to be like at the nursing home during the last part of their lives," Well, my mother works at one of these nursing homes and for the most part, those old peole are left in there to be cared for by strangers, so i don't see where that even figures in to why it's ok for people to be "Childless by Choice".

susnow

06/05/2005 11:55:07 AM

Geez, Albert. Get a grip. There are six billion people in the world. We could do with a few less. It does not hurt anyone to make that kind of decision for themselves, and it's their business alone, not yours. You know what I think? I'm thinking that it's the race of couple that's got you bothered. I'm guessing they are white, and that you would not have such a problem with their decision if they were from another race.

bible5

06/05/2005 10:27:07 AM

"The church should INSIST" that "marriage means children"??? Thank God we live in America. Mohler's declaration reminds me of certain dictatorships in which women are forced to bare a lot of children to populate the country and make it more formidable to its enemies. Such thinking is dangerous. God gave us free will, and as long as we love Him, I believe we can serve Him in many ways, not just by overpopulating the earth. God said "increase and multiply" to two people, not more than six billion. I hope no one takes Mohler's diatribe seriously.

bible5

06/05/2005 10:14:23 AM

My husband had received an honorable discharge from the military during World War II because of a nervous condition. I too was a very nervous person who had no idea how to raise a child properly. My parents, who loved me very much, had adopted me. But my mother was 45 years old when I was born and had very outdated ideas. My husband and I decided not to have children. People told us, "You'll be sorry when you get old and have no one to take care of you." What a selfish idea! Guess what? I am old now, and not the least bit sorry. Looking back I know I would have raised a bunch of delinquents, criminals or who knows what. And I don't have to worry about being put in a nursing home against my will.

melea5

06/04/2005 11:19:22 PM

I agree with the 2 previous posts, not everyone should be parents. I am a public school teacher, and I deal with children every day who have parents who put "things" ahead of their children in my school the "things" are usually drugs and/or alcohol. However, I think that if the couple are so into material goods and the acquisition of those goods, they have no business being parents. The child will take the back seat to the better car, the nice vacation, or whatever. A child does not have to be born into poverty to be neglected. The emotional damage is the same, however, that child will seek to have his emotional needs met elsewhere. I guess it would be great to live in Mr. Mohler's world where everyone who has children actually meets the child's needs.

wcfanbeth

06/04/2005 01:52:49 PM

This is exactly the kind of person who gives Christians a bad name. You can't take a passage that says that children are a gift from God & twist it to say that it is a sin not to have children. Open your Bible and actually read it Mr. Mohler! It says that marriage is not for everyone. NOWHERE does it say that married people must have kids. How sad it would be to have a parent that never wanted me and later abused or neglected me and beat their frustrations out on me. And to all those who worry about population growth, whether too much or too little, it's not yours to control. The Lord knows what will happen and has had HIS plan all along.

chillierrogue6

06/04/2005 10:34:10 AM

Everyone is not fit to be a parent. It take a tremendous amount of Love to bring a child into this sad world. Their are folks who can adopt a parentless child of the world. I have been blessed three times with a 26yr old, 18 yrs, and 4 yr. old. but that was my gift from God that I chose to recieve. We can't look down on anyone who decides not to be a parent. We need to love them no matter what, for that is what God commands us to do. See Mr.Mohler's leaving that "waiting to born spirit" for someone else, who wants to share their life with a little adult. The joy is his loss, but we must love him anyway.

janetranslates

06/04/2005 09:59:31 AM

The examples Mr. Mohler cites chose childlessness for selfish reasons. If they aren't willing to give up their lifestyles for children, they *shouldn't* have children! Children deserve better parents than that! The spiritual problem goes much deeper. I do not believe we have a mandate from God to have children. I know a married couple, missionaries, who chose not to have children in order to better serve the Lord. With their freedom of movement and time, they have been able to do tons of work together that I, a missionary mother of three, was not able to do with my husband. I don't regret my choice, and I respect theirs.

rubyforchrist

06/04/2005 08:30:30 AM

"It is God who has made us and not we ourselves". I know many people who have children because of family and religious expection and not because they want them. We should have to take courses on child rearing the way our churches have marriage courses! I loved having my children, It was my choice. There have been a lot of challenges. I know that we need help from God and our community to raise our children! I received much help from people who were childless themselves. Jesus said, "bring th children unto me and do not deny them. Anyone who denies a child denies me". He didn't say give birth or to not give birth is a sin. God gives us a choice whether to believe in Him or not then He certainly gives us a choice as to what to do with our bodies.

smarc

06/04/2005 08:23:25 AM

My hat's off to those who choose to remain childless because they know in their hearts they cannot provide a child with the love, nurturing, or do not have the financial means to meet even the basic needs of a child. To assume that the choice is made for selfish reasons is foolish. We have women having babies they can't care for, who end up neglected or abused. But because God allegedly says to not have them is "moral rebellion" is absolute nonsense. Many posts suggest that if you don't have children there will be no one take care of you in your old age. I work in a nursing home. I can't begin to tell you how many of our residents have children that can't be bothered with them. Their children are too busy with their own lives, raising their own children or have moved across the country. Since very few people are fortunate enough to not have to hold down a full time job to survive, caring for parents in the home isn't an option. Having children is no guarantee of having a caretaker.

drazil14

06/04/2005 08:23:00 AM

Part II I believe that Jesus was most angered by the Parasaic practise of pointing the accusing finger & self-righteousness than with people quietly trying to discern God's will for their lives. In other words.......be more concerned the the log in your own eye and do not try to assume you know the motivations & issues involved in a person's walk with God.

drazil14

06/04/2005 08:19:36 AM

It seems to me that many of these posts on both sides of this issue are taking extreme positions. The fact that a couple chooses not to have children is no more is indicative of selfish, materialistic motives, than is that fact that a couple chooses to have children for their own selfish motives (ie - wanting someone to take care of them when they're old). (In regard to the 2nd half of the last statement, I have a relative who recently had a severe stroke & her child not only wants her institutionalized but also wants her in a public ward - doesn't want to have to pay for a private room - and yes, he & his father CAN afford a private room or better yet, home care - so, so much for children always taking care of their elderly parents!).

kentnet

06/04/2005 07:07:43 AM

To rebel against the stress of children is like saying I don't want to grow up, because it would mean sharing the attention I get with someone else. Or, I love freedom but let others join the military and put themselves in harm's way--not me! My wife of 36 years and I have three children and five grandchildren. It has been stressful at times, but as we age (we're both under 60) we enjoy being part of the lives of others and will continue to be for the rest of our lives. They give US the privilege of being part of THEIR lives, especially our grandchildren. Those who confine their love to one permanent partner during the crucial 15 years of reproductivity should imagine what it’s going to be like at the nursing home during the last part of their lives, especially if they no longer have a spouse. What goes around comes around.

postbox49

06/04/2005 05:04:25 AM

The poll seams to bear out that the vast majority have no problem with planning to remain childless. To me the bible addresses the issue of multiplying to fill the earth. It is not necessary for Christians today to all be married and have children. We seem to have done a pretty good job of filling the earth already. Also, in Jewish culture there was a strong belief in the continuation of the tribe and the family name. To believe that continuing the family line is especially spiritual is not something I can find in my new testament or the teachings of Jesus. The Christian focus it seems to me is more on service to others. This might be fulfilled by lovingly bringing up children, but could be carried out in many other ways as well. It seems to me some people confuse their natural desire to pro-create and parent with spirituality. Why do they need to be fearful of everyone not feeling the same way? Is the Christian God not a god of variety who blesses people with different blessings and challenges?

spootabsia

06/03/2005 08:21:07 PM

When there are women having over a dozen childen (see the program 14 and pregnant again) and others having 4 or more, it is NECESSARY for some woman not to have children! Where I live there is NO room! Houses are being built right agaist the freeway with NO yards - just many bedrooms. Soon there will be NO open space as it will be needed for todays childrens grand and great grandchildren!

sweetpepper

06/03/2005 05:47:04 PM

Having read this article I think that the view of the writer was incredibly biased. The only examples of couples who chose to remain childless had done so primarily (or so it was brought across) so as not to change their jet setting selfish lifestyles. That is a rather myopic way of examining the issue. Having a family is a personal choice (not to mention a life-long decision) and that decision is wholly that of the couple involved and Holy Spirit. No one has the right to decide that not doing so is a sin. Some faiths also believe contraception is a sin; to some it's just sense. There are lots of parents, even Christian ones who are horrible parents. Couples choose not to have children for reasons other than not crimping their lifestyles. Genetics (heritary diseases),abusive spouses, finances and other issues come into play. Present a balanced view please.

Dr_Jay

06/03/2005 04:00:30 PM

DrB. Please re-read the subtitle of the article, "MARRIED (emphasis mine) couples who choose to be childless are revolting against God's design." You speak the Truth when you say that it is better not to marry if you have the gift of celibacy. However nowhere in the Bible is childbirth mentioned as a choice to be made. It would be like saying, you can have this $1,000,000...if you choose to, but it's up to you. Children are more of a gift than $1.0 mil would ever come close to being.

Dr_Jay

06/03/2005 02:44:32 PM

j-dub, you said, "No child ever asks to be brought here, parents aren't doing them a favor." I disagree. I am eternally grateful not only to my earthly parents but to my heavenly Father for the life I've been given. I was born into a family that was living in a trailer park and have suffered trials and tribs like everyone. But someday I will get to spend eternity in heaven. How is that not a favor??? I have two kids so far myself that God saw fit to loan my wife and me. I feed them, clothe them, teach them, and love them. Does that make me, as you put it, "a selfish one looking for self-fulfillment through vicariously correcting the mistakes of my past" ???

jaydubya

06/03/2005 02:24:53 PM

Yet another Christian diatribe against liberals and not road-map to Christ. I view parents as the selfish ones who are looking for self-fulfillment through vicariously correcting the mistakes of their past or looking for a way to escape their own lives. No child ever asks to be brought here; parents aren’t doing them a favor. I agree that having children is a blessing, but is not having children a sin? Jesus is our perfect example yet Jesus did not have children. Did he sin? Is contraception evil? If so, is having less than 20-30 kids a sin that will send a person to Hell? The only close commandment that says to have kids is given to Adam and Noah. However, that commandment has been fulfilled; the Earth has been replenished. Yes, the birth rate of industrial nations has dropped but that can be due to other changes such as the low infant mortality rate and the fact that we ceased being an agrarian society that needs lots of kids to help around the field.

Dr.B

06/03/2005 02:18:10 PM

Well, if deliberate childlessness is moral rebellion, then Jesus was a sinner. Unless you ascribe to the notions in the "DaVinci Code", Jesus was not married and had no children. Jesus remained unmarried because there was a greater plan in play. Scripture says that "it is better to remain single" but that if a persons passions burned, that they should be married. I believe each person should seek the Lord's will. If they are to be married, then by all means get married. If God's for them is to be single so that they can commit themselves totally to the Lord's work, then they should obey God. Rules based on man's thinking as opposed to the Word of God always brings division and it makes Christians look like bickering idiots. Legalism never saved anyone. Find the mind of Christ on the topic and there you will find peace that comes from obeying God.

TuesdayMM

06/03/2005 01:21:06 PM

I don't think anyone should have children if they don't want them. But, I also think it should be for the right reasons. When I was younger, I swore I would never have kids or let a man rule my life. At twenty I got pregnant then married. As I held that infant I realized that all the plans I had for myself meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. They were selfish and for personal gain, nothing God would be proud of or would matter once I left this earth. While some may not ever wish to have children, I will never regret my son because he made me into a better person. I have more patience, understanding, and pride in my child. I look at him and thank God that He intrusted me with such a precious gift. I don't see how children could be looked on as anything but, despite the circumstances they were born into. We are now expecting our second child, and I am thrilled. Children are not a burden, financial or otherwise. They are the future.

DreaMaker1009

06/03/2005 01:08:50 PM

We live in a nation that supposedly lives on the label "In God We Trust," but our society is bent on doing things without God. We tell our kids dont pray in school but force them to church, we tell our kids not to listen to bad music or movies that we make available to them. The point is we live in a jacked up nation whose motto is that we know best. Gay couples want children/marriage but most hetero couples who dont tell them not to. We make children out to be burdens instead of blessings as if that’s the worse that could result from sex, that's BS. People always say I don't want kids they will ruin my lifestyle. We have a lot to learn from them because they are not bent up on what society says we should be. AIDS will hinder you more than a kid. When I got pregnant, it enlightened me. God knows what you can bear, NOT YOU. We play god more than God. From whence you came so shall you return or something like that means who do you think is gonna take care of you when you and your partner are too old? Children!

lawmom

06/03/2005 12:22:19 PM

I work in a job where I see people daily who have children that they do not want or that they abuse or neglect or treat in a terrible way. I wish that more people would consider whether they are "parent material" before they bring children into the world. I have two children and have lost two as infants. I love them very much and for a long time felt that it was not fair that someone who didn't wanted child should have them so easily and essentially throw them away, when so many who want to have children are unable to do so. Being childless by choice is a responsible decision for many, in my opinion. I dont think that God would want someone who does not have a heart for children to have children.

RoamingCatholic

06/03/2005 11:33:16 AM

Having children, just like marriage, should be left up to the individual (or couple). As long as they can care and provide for them it should be of no concern to family/friends. I, for one, don't want to pay for someone's kids because they "can't cope." We need to spend more time fiiguring out how to deal with the kids we already have, who's parents had no idea what they were getting into.

dsullivan

06/03/2005 10:22:42 AM

I admit that I am scared of the repsonsibility of a baby and the changes on my life and body. I had never thought of not having a child as a means of defying God. I would like to think that if we did not have children, God would still love us. My husband and I have only been married for a little over a year, so I am not worried about the children issue right now. But is this article saying that since my husband does not want to have children that he is not a christian or does not have christian values? I am under the impression that if we are meant to have children, God will put this desire in our hearts. I surely do not think that God would want me to force my husband to have a baby and bring a child into this world that only has one parent that wanted it. I feel that those people whom God intends to have children, will also be given the desire to have children. If one prays about this issue and still feels that a child is not for them, maybe that is what God has planned for them.

Dr_Jay

06/03/2005 09:31:11 AM

Amen, annoint1. The bigger problem here is not an individual's decision to not have kids, it is the cultural view that parenthood is a "condition" that causes you to give up rights and imposes limitations. The desire for a strong family is replaced with a desire for two cars, three TV's (all with cable or satelite), a new wardrobe every season, fast food, and enough time to work for all of these things. This is combined with the message we send to kids that the only reason you should consider abstinance is because you might get saddled with a *gasp* child if you have sex. If we would promote sacrifice and patience in our culture over gratification (instant or otherwise) and self-fulfillment, we would go a long way toward strengthening the moral fiber of our nation.

anoint1

06/03/2005 06:52:25 AM

In response to the query about whether folks should be allowed to choose childlessness, I don;t think we as adults can dictate others choices, as long as no law is broken or no abuse is rendered. However, having said that, I believe that these choices to not reproduce are a symptom of a growing selfishness that is pervading our culture and that having children often forces us into greater maturity which in turn builds better social awareness.

dkeppel

06/03/2005 05:46:07 AM

I've noticed that those who say that they really don't want to be parents really shouldn't be parents. Why as a society do we try to force children into homes where they could be more likely to be abused, neglected, or unloved?

ChrisB72

06/03/2005 04:52:20 AM

London7. Almost every leadership and service role in my church is filled by someone who is married with children - largely because we are very much a family-oriented church. What may be true in your own church is not necessarily so in others. :)

ChrisB72

06/03/2005 04:46:36 AM

I have no problem at all with any couple who remains child-free by choice. Of course it is a matter for some tact these days to determine whether choice or infertility is behind any given couples childlessness - but perhaps we'll just finally learn, after centuries of poking our noses where they don't belong, that it was never any of our damn business anyhow!! I'm also glad to read that the folks at No Kidding rarely discuss kids at all. In any other article I've read on this topic, the child-free have not only defended their own view (understandably) but also attacked the decision of "breeders" (as some so delightfully call those of us who have decided to procreate) to have children, and appeared to be distinctly anti-children in any form. Amusing that an article so vehemently against the child-free should portray them more sympathetically than those with a supposedly more balanced view!

London7

06/03/2005 04:45:57 AM

I have seen numerous women who were disappointed because they had been programmed by society to believe that they were owed marriage & kids. When either the marriage or children didn't happen, these women (& men) were devastated. They struggled to trust God. The impact of feeling as if they missed what every woman/man is entitled to left them feeling like social misfits & failures. Most couples with children have time only for their own families. With all the broken families and people in desperate situations in our world, who is left to do the work of the Church in reaching and restoring them? Its the singles & the childless marrieds. From what I've seen, the people doing the work of Christ & really serving in churches are not the married couples with loads of kids. Its the others. Without us childless lot churches would collapse. We make it happen. Look around your church. Who is really serving? And who are the people looking to BE served? I'm confident that your answer will support my point.

Monk21

06/03/2005 03:22:03 AM

I have a grade 8 education. My wife and I raised 7 children, also kept some friends kids when they had troubles at home. All our guys recieved a college education. They grew up happy and they get along great today. Everyone can do it if they want to and they trust in God. he helped us out a lot.

bekalc

06/02/2005 01:57:57 AM

If you can't afford Children, why get married in the first place. Their isn't a law that says get married. This law doesn't even exist in the Church.

DRE013

05/29/2005 10:58:08 PM

Arthur Mohler is WAY out of line with this article. Would he really want to see any of the people in his article parents? The church should "insist"... What is this? Mr.Mohler hasn't a clue what "God's Plan" is because it's different for everyone. To make a blanket statement shows ignorance and By the way Mr. Mohler are you going to raise these children FINANCIALLY when in this day and age we don't know if we will have a job tomorrow? Are these children going to live off osmosis? To quote a priest who gave a talk on morality, "You had better think about children seriously if you CAN NOT AFFORD THEM!" When are people going to realize it's NOT what other people want from them, but what THEY want and what THEY can afford! No one knows them better than themselves and God and he has a plan for EVERYONE! Please don't tell me a woman who bears children is greater in God's eyes than a childless woman. God is not ignorant! He loves us all regardless if we have children or not, Mr. Mohler!

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