'The Worst Sermon I've Ever Heard'

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"While in the pulpit, our pastor looks for opportunities to brag about his alma mater's football team and taunt the competition. The worst case was during the Easter Sermon, when he compared the agony of Jesus' death on the cross to his favorite quarterback on the 10 yard line." --

"It was February 14, and the young Jesuit, a very recent immigrant from Ireland, wound up his sermon with (you have to imagine the brogue) 'And so, my dear friends, the Sacred Heart of Jesus is crying out to you: "Be my valentine!"'" --

"Our youth pastor's wife was giving the children's sermon. To illustrate, she had brought her pet rabbit, which was mostly white, but had black feet and other touches of black. She explained that the white represented the goodness in our hearts, but that the black represented the evil in us. The problem was that we had recently received into membership an African-American couple who were seated in the front pew!" --

"Probably my brother's wedding's sermon. The priest, a family member, talked about the professor with the glass jar, to which he added first the really big rocks, then the small rocks, then sand, then two beers. In between, the prof asks, is there room for more? The metaphor was that the rocks/sand were choices: make the big, important ones first. The punchline? 'What's up with the beer?' 'Oh, there's always room for a couple of beers.' Polite laughter from a wedding party made mostly of

." --