Who's in Charge Here?

When Lois and Jim Watkins signed on as co-pastors of LaOtto Wesleyan Church in rural Indiana, they agreed to share the workload, 50-50. But six years into the job, "we were driving each other `co-razy,'" recalls Jim. He excelled as a worship and youth-group leader and preacher, but struggled with the administrative duties that Lois, the organizer, tackled with relish. On the advice of a counselor, they took a hard look at each person's strengths and weaknesses and developed a plan to shift their focus from the roles society had assigned them to the gifts God had given them.

Then, after Jim took a yearlong sabbatical to get parishioners used to the idea of bringing the bulk of their questions and concerns to Lois, they asked the congregation for permission to shuffle their responsibilities and tweak their titles. The vote for approval was unanimous: Lois emerged as senior pastor and Jim as associate minister.

"She's an incredible pastoral caregiver," Jim boasts about Lois, his wife of 25 years. "My counseling technique tended to be along the lines of `Get over it!' I also spelled `board' meeting as `bored' meeting." Now Lois conducts all the business sessions. For Jim, that spells relief and frees him to focus on what he's good at--which includes speaking at seminars and writing. (They still share preaching, each taking two Sundays a month.)

"When we were co-pastors, I think the majority of the people viewed Jim as the pastor and I was kind of an overactive pastor's wife," says Lois. When the couple suggested the changes in duties and titles, "I had hoped that after six years of ministry not an eyelash would be batted," Lois recalls. In actuality, "there was more batting than I anticipated," mainly traditional questions about women in ministry. For example, members wondered if people might choose not to attend a church led by a female pastor. In the end, though, the final vote was gratifying.

The Watkinses know their division of duties is at odds with some people's belief in a biblical chain of command. Proponents of the chain point to Ephesians 5:23, which says a wife should submit to her husband's authority. Opponents counter with the assurance in Galatians 3:28 that everyone is equal in Christ. Jim and Lois prefer not to pit passages against each other. "We've tried to look at the Bible as a whole and not build a theology of marriage on one or two verses," says Jim. "Here's my theory: God is such a complex being that it takes two genders to adequately express his image. Each part of that image is of equal value, and God intended for both males and females to rule over his creation." The grim alternative, he says, "is to keep half of God's army inactive by saying that women can't fill leadership roles."

When Does Equal Mean Unequal?

The issue of submission--the dreaded "s" word--is an old one, and many people dismiss it as woefully out of date. "Honestly, it's so politically incorrect that I don't think I've ever heard it mentioned in my 25 years of counseling couples," says Howard J. Rankin, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of "10 Steps to a Great Relationship" (StepWise Press, 1998). "But there's a vast difference in what people say and what they actually do, and a sizable number of men feel they should control many, or even most, aspects of their marriage."

Politically incorrect or not, submission got a big boost two years ago when the Southern Baptist Convention passed a resolution affirming that wives should "submit graciously to the servant leadership" of their husbands. Since then, other prestigious groups have said "amen" to spin-off versions of the Baptists' statement, endorsing the idea that hubbies should fulfill their "God-given responsibility" to serve their families by leading, protecting, and providing for them--and implying that women should not try to assume those roles. Each new endorsement has provided a kick in momentum and a spurt of publicity. Campus Crusade for Christ joined the list last summer, a move that some say could cause female students to turn their backs on a ministry--and a faith--they might otherwise embrace.

"That could be the outcome," says Mimi Haddad, executive director of Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE), an interdenominational organization founded 12 years ago by a group of faculty members from evangelical seminaries and colleges. "In a way, it's like going on secular campuses and telling Gen X women, `You may use your intellect and your gifts and your calling, but when you get to church or to marriage, you need to fall into these specific roles.' It doesn't make sense. How can women be equal in Christ and unequal in relationships in the church and in marriage? It's not going to work because it's not true, it's not biblical, and secular culture has made it clear to women that they have gifts that are valuable in the world."

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