The Ten Commandments would actually be only five, double-spaced and written in a large font.
Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to email@example.com.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
Reason Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humor can be risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these objectionable, we apologize. As with most jokes, the original authors are unknown - but we thank them.