Learning to Love Heather

The day "Heather Has Two Mommies" by Lesléa Newman arrived at my old office at Christian Parenting Today, I gave it a once over. Two mommies? Well, it might be a problem somewhere, but probably not here. Besides begging for a box full of mail from upset mommies, the topic wasn't central enough to our readers' real, everyday concerns. The book ended up in a stack of other publishers' samples with titles like "My Jesus ABC's," "My First Promise Bible," and "I Love My Mommy."

I think we made a mistake. I can't think of a more central issue for families than the questions that "Heather" raised ten years ago. I believed then, and do now, that the dialogue homosexuals have initiated about sexuality and family making have been good for the Christian community. It has required us to think through our assumptions and beliefs about what is OK and what is not. Exactly how should and must we read the Bible on this issue? How should we respond to Heather's moms? What behaviors and attitudes should we encourage from our kids, especially toward Heather?

When Lesléa Newman's book became famous nearly a decade ago, it was because it presented an idea of how Newman thought we should perceive lesbian mothers. Some parents felt children just beginning school didn't need to be told that homosexuality exists, much less have it equated with heterosexual family life. Click here for an excerpt that shows how "Heather" made its case.

The main fault of Newman's approach for many Christians--especially those who define homosexual acts as a sin--is a theological one. The Bible defines sin as anything that falls outside of God's truth that brings injury to a person or separates her or him from God. How then could we want a homosexual lifestyle taught to our kids as something good and acceptable, a viable choice on a par with marriage, any more than we'd want them taught that other sins (adultery or drunkenness, say) are just fine and dandy?

While inquiring freethinkers have a lot of room to define or disregard words like sin and truth, orthodox Christians must start with scripture, and the incarnated truth of Jesus Christ. As Michelle, a friend of mine who used to be the other mommy in a lesbian partnership, says: "For a homosexual, homosexuality is the starting place. It's what sets the standards for what they believe. As a Christian, we set the standards for our lives on the Word of God, and we strive to live a life that is pleasing to God."

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